Behind the Glass Wall

At the beginning of my existence as I can remember, I was on my front porch, I remember it being wooden and I could not see any other houses around.  I suddenly got this exciting feeling that something wonderful was about to happen and it did.  A woman I called Lony Pony was about to walk pass my house along the road.  When she was about to go pass my house I excited yelled, “Hey Loney Pony” and she would always laughingly reply, “hey Laura” and that’s my earliest memory of my name.  I think what excited me the most was that after saying my greeting to this woman, I would hear laughter coming from inside my house – I can’t recall who’s voices they were, maybe it could have been my mother and father.

I have an older sister (nine years older), she was beautiful to me, and I vaguely remember her taking me to school with her.  There were big people standing around me telling me how cute I was.  I loved that.  It seemed most all the girls wore Bobbie socks and black and white sadle oxfords (except for my sister) and big long skirts or dresses.  In the playground every thing seemed so big, the trees, swings (I believe the swings hung by rope or chain from a tree limbs and there was a merry-go-round ---I can still hear the children laughing.

The next thing I recall is one bright sunny day, for some reason a lot of big people were putting our furniture on an old truck (Jed Clampett style), there were also a lot of boxes and clothes.  I didn’t understand what moving meant, but I hoped someone would remember to bring me along, so to ensure that, I stayed close by the truck.

Then all of a sudden there was an explosion, it was a sound that deafened my hearing and shook the very foundation of my being. I was so afraid, confused I went scrambling around and grabbed a hold of someone’s leg for safety.  During my confusion, I heard someone say that daddy had to shoot our family dog, because there was not enough room on the truck for it.  Someone said that daddy took his double-barreled shotgun, took aim and killed our dog.  Sadness and fear overwhelmed me, a smoky smell that I could not identify choked me.  Moments later we were all on the truck and as far as I could see, my house became smaller and smaller until it disappeared.

I next remember being in an unfamiliar surrounding.  I heard someone say that they liked the fact that a hedge bush separated our yard from the dirt road because just across the dirt road was a pasture full of cows.  “Cow”, I never heard of such a thing and wanted see the cows.  My big sister said,  “no, you’re too little, you’re only two years old and if you want to be three next year, never go to the pasture.”

Then, I found myself alone in my unfamiliar yard; I slowly looked around and saw people taking things from the old truck into our house it seemed to have been old and dark, . I suddenly remembered the cows in the pasture and I had to see them, so I walked out of the yard across the street and peered throw a old wooden fence, Oh my god! there they were, they didn’t look like anyone in my house, they  resembled our dog, except being much larger, with a great big head and something hanging down from their stomach; what could that be.   Then it seem to see me and let out a sound that turned my legs to jelly; a big “Mooooo!”  I could feel my heart pounding in my head as I hurried back to the safety of my yard.

One day I found myself standing at my father’s knee trying to claim my rightful spot on his knee where I used to sit all the time; and there she sat.  Daddy said that she was my little sister and that her name was Jenny and that she was only one year old and since I was a big girl of three, I should let her sit there.  Well, I didn’t like that one bit.  But daddy knew how to make me feel good.  He said, “go get your hoola hoop, and show me how fast you can make it spin around you.”   I did, any thing for daddy. I felt like a star as my hoop swooped around me and my little sister squealed with delight.

After that grand performance, my daddy laughed and applauded, saying I’d done well.  I excitedly asked, if I could do something else and he said yes.  Do “the chicken in a box” (that was an old dance), and so I did, there was no performer on earth better than me, because my daddy said so.  After I’d finished my dance, I ran to him and he hugged and kissed me and I felt like a giant, the first feeling of love I ever felt in my life, was for my dad and as long as I had his attention, I could do anything.