Inner Thoughts
by
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She Can’t Have My Name
I’ve carried that child for
nine months
I stuck it out when things got tough
I hollered with pain during hard labor
And she can’t have my name just because you’re dating her
I stayed up all night in
emergency rooms
I turned that frown into a smile when our child was blue
I’ve kissed every scratch and bruised knee
I’ve comforted him during bad dreams
I came running whenever he’d call
I brushed him off whenever he’d fall
I held it together when he drove me insane
No, I’m Mommy
And she can’t have my name
I’ve sat in the front row at
every play
I’ve made sacrifices for him each and every day
I’d lay down my life for that child of mine
I’m his role model
I’m walking that fine line
I care for him every day of the week
I work hard for those shoes on his feet
I wiped his tears when you left home
I cheered him up and I gave him hope
I’ve been there through thick and thin
And I’ll be there from beginning to end
Mommy is a title I’ve rightfully earned
Maybe one day she’ll have her turn
I’m the one he’ll bring to
shame
It’s my name he may defame
It’s my dollar that will pay for college
It’s my wisdom that will give him knowledge
It’s my home he’ll one day leave
It’s my blood that’ll run through his seed
There’s no way she could ever be me
No, I’m Mommy
And one is all he needs
That Cold October Day
The sky was clear
And the air was crisp
I quickly shivered
As you kissed my lips
Your eyes sparkled
Through the darkness of the night
I cleared my throat
As a tear fell from my eye
This is a day that would be remembered for life
For on the other side of our country
People where losing their lives
But here no one stood
Just you and I
As we severed our ties
And said good-bye to eternity
Who would have known
That a double tragedy would hit
And there would be no such thing as eternal bliss
Tears quickly flowed
As the world came to a stop
And all that was heard
Was the beating of our hearts
“I love you” was said
As you turned and walked away
You left me standing there
That cold October day
Daddy I Needed You
Daddy where were you
When I sang my ABCs
I had no one there to cheer for me
You didn’t pick me up
When I scraped my knee
I wanted you even though I had Mommy
Meet the teacher was today
I waited for you
But it got really late
I walked home slowly
Hoping to see your car
But they all looked the same
Once it got dark
You missed my first game
I should have known you would
I tried to call but you’re never home
You promised we’d
Talk about the birds and the bees
So that young boys wouldn’t play their game on me
But where were you when that boy broke my heart
He told me he loved me
And our relationship went far
I dropped out of school the other day
Because I’m trying to raise a baby
I see no other way
Daddy where were you
When the world treated me cold
When doors were slammed in my face
And I had no place to call home
It took me a while
But I graduated from college
I search the crowd for you to share my knowledge
But as usual you’re nowhere to be found
Just because I’m grown doesn’t mean I don’t need you around
Daddy I’m sick and close to my deathbed
Hello, Daddy I’ve needed you
Where the Hell have you been
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Book Details
About the Book
Inner Thoughts is a cluster of poems that I have
written over the last six years of my life. Each poem I have written is based
on experience, emotion, trauma, and joy. Some was written for the intent of
someone else’s turmoil. However, I found that I couldn’t write solely based on
another person’s emotion. I had to experience it in some shape or form. What’s
unique about my writing is that I have to be feeling joy or sadness in order to
write. It has to be a life lesson, something I will never forget.
My poetry represents what people go through
everyday. When I wrote the poem entitled “She Can’t Have My name” I was in the
middle of a court battle with my ex-husband. He believed my youngest son Joshua
should be able to call his girlfriend mom. I deferred. I believed that mommy is
a titled that I rightfully earned. I work hard to provide for his needs. I’m
the one who makes everyday sacrifices. I’m not dead nor am I an unfit mom. So
why should my child call someone else mommy? It’s a sacred name, one that I have
rightfully earned. A name that I refused to share. At first, I thought I was being silly, perhaps even insecure.
Friends that I’ve confided in were torn. I stuck to what I believed and the
judge agreed.
Attach to each poem is history. An unforgettable
chapter of my life. Some memories I would like to forget but, if I didn’t go
through it, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Inner Thoughts is exactly what it
means. It’s everything I was feeling inside that I couldn’t say out loud. I’ve
held on to these thoughts/emotions for so long and now, I want to set them
free.
About the Author
Angelia Moore was born in Columbus Ohio to Melvin
Moore (African American) and Gloria Molina (Latino), and she is the sibling of
Carmen Feliciano, Gloria Feliciano, Jose Feliciano, Rose Moore, Estella
Chapmen, and Rolanda Chapmen. Angelia is the single mother of two boys: Joshua
Malave’ 7 years old and Anthony Malave’ 12 years old.
She graduated from Columbia Greene Community College
in Hudson New York with an Associates Degree in Applied Science and is
currently employed by Parson Child and Family Center as a House Manager.