Fertile Prayers

MOTHER’S DAY

This is the hardest day for a woman who has lost a baby. I am one of the women who have lost a baby. I used to tough it out and go to church on Mother’s Day. But the pastor would ask all mothers to stand. The first time I stood up proudly for the child I had lost. When I sat down the feelings of loss flooded me. I had to leave because I started sobbing. I was not alone, because a friend lost her mother recently, and her tears poured.

There are women who would not go to church on Mother’s Day because the celebration was so bittersweet. Some because they lost their mother, some because they lost a child, and some because they couldn’t get pregnant are affected. I guess there are some women who have lost everything.

God has the whole world in his hands. We can go to church on Mother’s Day. We can face the pain of our loss. We can also stay at home and be kind to ourselves. We can choose to be happy on Mother’s Day. We can choose to remember our riches on Mother’s Day. Our children will be with us one day. Every day can feel a little like Mother’s Day. It can be good.

FATHER’S DAY

This is the hardest day for a man who has lost a child. Men have come up to me telling me about how hard it is to lose the hope of a child’s life. There will be no church service naming and celebrating the child, and no games outside. It is tough being the only man on the street with no one to teach basketball, and no one to teach pitching or building, golf, etc. It is hard to see what the fuss is about sometimes, about having children. But there is a feeling of missing out. There is a belief, “I would have been a good father,” haunting me. Help me prepare for what comes my way. I hope it is the challenge of parenting. Every day seems like Father’s Day, in some ways. It can be good.

BABY SHOWERS

I am in a very fertile group. We can feel out of place, and as though we want to be anywhere else but there. We being people who have problems having children.

In the beginning, it was fun because there is so much hope. With hope, baby showers can still leave us feeling out of place. More questions are asked from some than others. “When are you going to have Your baby?” I struggle to be witty.

Going to baby showers can be optional. Most women understand if they are given diaper money, and a token of caring, instead. We can find our way to be caring and yet be loving to ourselves. We can go to baby showers, or we can by-pass them and send a gift.

EASTER

It was so joyous to go to church on Easter. It was a beautiful day, with children dressed in their finest, and Easter lilies surrounding the alter. The sermon was an old one, but still interesting. The class was interesting. And then I came home and found a family member with children had not gone to church. They had a great family time, but the investment in their souls, their moral learning, and their anchor when times get stormy will be a paint job, not worshiping. God how can we take for granted what was given to us at great price for our children? There is not a day that goes by that I forget my fertility and what it means to my life.