Split Happens

There’s a lot to contend with during and after a split, above and beyond the other person who didn’t work hard enough on the relationship. It’s resentment, loneliness, bitterness, anxiety, guilt, jealousy, humiliation and probably a couple of dozen other awful feelings we’d rather forget.

There’s no easy way to recover from a divorce, but it’s a cinch some ways are more difficult than others and often much more expensive. This is not only about “getting over” a breakup. It’s about being happy and in the process leaving the pain behind.

There are plenty of books that give advice for finances, dealing with kids, dating and such. This one gives you tools to deal with the unsavory emotions that block our progress. If you really want to move on to your new life with confidence, anticipation and smiles you don’t have to fake, please continue.

Many times, people confuse happiness with relief. When I hit myself on the head with a hammer, it feels real good when I stop. That is not a definition of happiness. Others might confuse happiness with escape, especially if somebody else is holding the hammer. That’s not it, either.

Our society is more interested in relief and escape. Look at a problem and find a way out. There’s much less focus on what things are like once you get out. Pick up the Yellow Pages of any phone book and check the Physicians section. Notice it’s organized by disease. The focus of western medicine is disease and the goal is relief.

Check out the attorneys. The goal of many is relief and escape. If you’ve been through a divorce, I’m sure you’re familiar with that. Some equate revenge with relief. Can you believe it? Do you really think a lawsuit is the highway to happiness?

No. For most people, we learn that the ultimate is “feeling no pain.” Whoopee, all the way up to zero! Well, here’s the good news. There are as many numbers above zero as there are below.

With the society awash in the negatives, there’s a lot of un-learning to do in order to get to the positive and many of our authorities have a great deal invested in their point of view. If you want to move on you have to buck a lot of entrenched beliefs.

Think. What would your life be like if you didn’t have any fear?

Chances are you wouldn’t skydive without a parachute, play with a rattlesnake or thumb your nose at the heavyweight champ. I said no fear, not no brains.

Perhaps you’d give up the job you hate or call that cute person you met. You might risk your savings to go into the business you always wanted or fly in a plane and let go of the armrest. Only you can tell, because it’s only your fear.

I have some good news for you. You can keep your fear, even after you finish. You can also eliminate a lot of it, but that’s up to you. Same goes for anger, resentment, hurt, guilt, embarrassment, humiliation, despair, depression, worry, jealousy, frustration, sadness or any other yucky feeling you’d rather not have. It’s easy and you can do it. That’s what this book is all about.