The Death of Innocence: Surviving Trauma

We encounter trauma survivors every day. I’ve gotten so that I can recognize them by some behavior clues coupled with the depth of their eyes. In addition to the long-term trauma examples already given, they are victims of rape, gang rape, sex abuse, kidnapping, murder and suicide witnesses, and survivors of incidents involving fatalities. The sense of powerlessness and the awareness of the possibility of having not survived, give young trauma victims the look of old souls in young bodies.

Survivors have a tendency to become over-involved in taking care of others, doing for others what they should be doing for themselves, but often at the same time experiencing a sense of detachment, an inability to feel really close to others.

I have known combat survivors who embarrassed themselves in displaying both a severe startle response and flashbacks while merely walking down the street. The backfire of a car engine sent one vet diving for the street gutter while another I knew whose job it was in Vietnam to drive a truck loaded with supplies, breaks into a cold sweat if he ever has to drive over something lying in the road. The memory of booby traps and land mines are quickly recalled when confronted with a pop can or paper bag in the road. It’s no surprise that his favorite pastime now is to fly, where there’s no worry at all about driving over anything.

Survivors often are excitement freaks, doing dangerous things to re-experience the adrenaline rush of the original trauma. This is often coupled with satisfying a sense of guilt for having survived, for having not been in as much danger as another was. Many survivors ride motorcycles or enjoy risky endeavors such as skydiving, bungee jumping or chemical use. Many choose occupations that either satisfy the need to help others or the danger aspect, or both, such as police officer, firefighter, private investigator, nurse (especially in the emergency room), paramedic, flight nurse, teachers, counselors, etc.

Many survivors are people-pleasers and perfectionists since self-worth is so integral to success for them. They become work-alcoholics and therefore are also able to avoid having to deal with very many, or very intense personal relationships. It gives them an out. They also have a deep sense of reality. They’re often not idealistic at all and have lost any veneer of bravado or false bravery. They know what true fear is and how difficult it is to perform in the grips of fear. Even when they have performed well in extremely fearful situations, the memory of the fear removes any sense of heroics.

It is difficult for survivors to trust others, since they have often experienced so many broken promises and so many situations where they didn’t know what to expect. They’re very self-reliant and often because of memory impairment issues do not trust themselves in social situations. As Mark Twain said, "It’s better to be quiet and thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt." Because of this, many survivors are very deep and introspective. One I know to this day is saddened by the memory of waiting all afternoon when he was about 8 to buy a pony, a promise made by an alcoholic father who instead spent the afternoon getting drunk and watching baseball on TV.

The survival techniques of a trauma sufferer are truly a natural reaction to an unnatural situation. There is a tendency to overreact to pressure from outside sources such as the everyday occurrences of traffic tie-ups or flat tires, but to under-react to anything that would normally cause a strong emotional response. A teenager I knew, Audrey had begun spending time with older acquaintances, one of whom was a Vietnam Vet. As one of Audrey’s girlfriends began complaining abut what a bad life she had and how she wanted to end it all, this vet calmly handed her a loaded gun and barely flinched as she stuck the barrel into her mouth and pulled the trigger. Audrey’s premature encounter with her own mortality after witnessing her friend’s death, left her with a mental picture she could never erase, and guilt for not being able to stop her.