Learning, Learning, and Still Learning
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One day I received a call from the counselor. She said Cindy had just left and needed to talk to me when she got home and that I should call her when we finished talking. We went in Cindy’s room and closed the door to have our talk. I knew that this was the day that the truth would be revealed. I just felt it. I said, "I know you have been having sex with someone, are you ready to tell me about it?" She said, "yes", and then revealed to me that it was her dad, my husband. I tried not to show any emotion that would frighten her so I continued to ask her questions and she answered me everything I asked her. He had told her that she could never tell because it would kill me. It seemed we talked for hours, in fact, it was a couple of hours before I felt she had talked enough and I had heard enough. I knew she was telling the truth.
I left home to make the phone call to the counselor. She had sent me her home phone number. I had to get out of the house so that I could scream as loud as possible without being where I would upset her or the other children.
I called her and she asked me what I was going to do. I told her I didn’t know what to do. She cautioned me that Cindy was very disturbed over the possibility that I would probably leave him and break up the family and the other children would be without their father. I still said I don’t know what I’m going to do. She insisted that Thurman and I come in to see her the next morning.
When he returned home that night from a board meeting, I confronted him with the news. I told him that I knew what he was so careful to keep from me. He tried to deny it but couldn’t get the words straight. I had too many facts. Needless to say, there was not much sleep for us that night. I had so many questions, when, where, why, etc.? None of this made any sense.
I couldn’t eat or sleep. I was seven months pregnant with Alicia. I kept myself in my room most of the time so the other children wouldn’t see me crying.
The counselor didn’t say anything about criminal charges or anything like that. She just wanted to help us keep the family together. This meant weekly counseling for us. He only went one time. Cindy and I went every week. I needed someone to talk to. I didn’t tell anybody else because I did not know what was going to happen.
I was not allowed to leave her in the house with him alone anymore. The molestation took place at night while I was asleep or whenever I was out of town or when I was not at home. I suffered with the questions of how does this happen in what is supposed to be a good home. I wondered how I was to blame. I felt it had to somehow be my fault. I suffered over my little girl losing her innocence in this way. Her involvement with older women had become a problem. The piano player at church, the English teacher at school. The situation took over my life because there was always some fire to put out.
I had Alicia. Relations between my husband and myself were strained to say the least, but we were trying. The only thing that kept me was the scriptures that were in my heart about forgiveness. I knew I was being put to a tremendous test. How could I forgive this terrible thing he had done. The only answer I got was that I had to, that I had no choice. So I did my best. The days ahead were very dark.
Other incidents started happening that I was unprepared for. Cindy began running away from home. Though she didn’t want to break up the family, she felt she couldn’t stay. She left one day to go around the corner to the store and didn’t come back. I was frantic and immediately called the police. Of course she had to be missing twenty-four hours before they would do anything. The twenty-four hours passed and she did not return. The police began to look for her and we looked as well. I walked the streets at night, crying hoping to see her somewhere. Even though it was dark and the streets were dangerous, I felt I had to do something. After a couple of weeks she was seen across the street at a lady’s house. We called the police and they went over there and got her and brought her home.
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About the Book
Learning, Learning, and Still Learning
A teenage Mother, divorced, remarried, victim of abuses, her life takes many twists and turns. After each learning experience, however, she arises victorious. Her seven children, now grown, are a tribute to her perseverance and a testimony of what God can and will do in a life that puts it's trust in Him.
The author says "you can always begin again – a bad experience or bad experiences from wrong choices do not have to mean the end for you". But you don't just stand there or lie there, you must get up and go on, learning from the mistakes you've made.
About the Author
SUSIE MITCHELL DOSWELL is the Director of the Annual Christian Women’s Retreat which is an organization of over 200 women and girls who meet each year in a different city in the United States. The organization is 23 years old and is for the purpose of spiritual, mental, emotional and physical growth through learning. The participants come from allover the United States, as well as, the Grand Cayman Islands. Mrs. Doswell has been the Coordinator/Director for 18 years. She is a wife and mother of seven children. She is an alumnus of the College of the Scriptures in Louisville, Kentucky. She is a speaker, teacher and counselor to many. She is a capable organizer and encourager. She serves her church as Choir Director and Christian Education Director to name a few things that she is responsible for. She is qualified to address the issues of: pre-marital sex, teen pregnancy, incest, addictions, divorce, remarriage, relationships, abuse, spiritual life in the church and many more. Mrs. Doswell decided to make her first book autobiographical as a tool for hope and encouragement. That no matter if one falls down, that they know they too can get back up and go on to victories as she has done.