Men
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People don’t like me. They think I’m a jerk. I’m not just imagining this because I have an inferiority complex. Quite the contrary: I know people don’t like me because, in most cases, I am superior to them. People don’t like me. They just don’t. I know it. I know they don’t like me because they tell me. Many have told me to my face that I’m arrogant, that I’m ill mannered, that I’m an ass. I like the last one. It’s my favorite. There’s something about pushing people’s buttons until they reach a breaking point and get mad enough to call me an ass – or something comparable – which makes it a game for me. I once dated a girl who told me that deep down I was just sensitive and insecure and that I pushed people away before they had a chance to hurt me. I told her she was stupid. We stopped dating. I don’t think I’m sensitive and I don’t believe I’m insecure. I just didn’t have any patience for her psychobabble, or for that matter, any other stupid things people do. There are a good many things I find insufferable. I don’t like having my time wasted. I can’t stand incompetence. I abhor people who whine about things they dislike, but do nothing to better their situations. And redundancy, let’s talk about redundancy. When someone simply jabbers away without making a point, I go nuts. Adverbs are a good example of this problem. What difference does it make if something is disgusting or extremely disgusting? Disgusting is disgusting. It makes a clear case for itself. Does the word need to be intensified? Is really beautiful more beautiful than beautiful? I don’t understand the need for adverbs. They are nothing more than verbal effusion – conversational farts. I work for the city doing maintenance at the cemetery. There’s a young woman who works in the business office and the way she talks drives me nuts. "Oh my," she gushed one day as I showed up for work, "aren’t the flowers on that grave just near the entrance enormously striking?" "Oh my, yes," was my reply, "they are just marvelously adorable. I can’t think when I have stared so unbelievably at a floral arrangement. It has been ever so quaintly arranged, in fact, I think I’ll just rush down to the nearest FTD and see if I can’t excitedly convince the lady to sell me a bunch of the exact same flowers. If she won’t, I’ll just die. I’ll be so horrifically disappointed." Adverbs are just one of my peeves.
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About the Book
Poor Gary Stewart. Nobody likes him. Nobody likes him, and he couldn’t care less. Until he meets Julie. Julie is the beautiful young woman who isn’t about to take crap from anyone – especially Gary. Across town, Charley Wilde is trying to decide if it really was his mother who killed his stepfather and Paul Connelly is about to confront a dark secret from the past. One that will change his life forever. Sometimes funny, often deeply moving, MEN tells the stories of five men living in a small town. A normal life is anything but boring. MEN celebrates the dignity and adventure in the lives of ordinary men.
About the Author
Timothy White knows a lot about a bunch of stuff, but not enough to make him an expert in any one thing. He has been an actor in over 100 productions of little importance, a loan officer, a pizza delivery guy, a translator, a missionary, and he used to run the pictures at the local movie theater. He relates most to a character in the movie Amadeus, the one who claims to be the "patron saint of all mediocrities." His most developed talent, is his knack for finding grandiosity in even the most mundane. His ability to do so makes Walter Mitty seem downright unimaginative. Last year, Timothy was named best damn dad in the whole universe. However, he concedes that his two boys (the only judges in the contest) may have been biased.