Marriage is Ministry-Not Misery

What wives tend to do is try to change their husband. Wives often tell me, "You see Donna, I’m trying to change my husband." This is the husband who is not walking in the ways of the Lord. So, the wife feels it is up to her to change him to conform to the ways of the Lord. I had to realize myself that that is God’s job. The result of trying to change your spouse is that you will come up against a brick wall. I learned that the best way to get anyone to change is that YOU change first.

Misery will engulf any marriage if it is not under the guidelines and directions of God. What I have witnessed is many wives are not following the guidelines themselves nor doing it God’s way. Why? Many of them are so busy pointing out what their husband is or is not doing that they cannot see themselves. They cannot see their unsubmissive attitude they have because they feel the husband is not taking the leadership role in the home. Or, they have a rebellious attitude of not respecting the husband because he is unsaved. Therefore, the wife thinks she doesn’t have to respect him because he is an unbeliever. I want to quickly point out to the wife that I Peter 3:1 is still a powerful verse. The wife just has to live according to the Word. I know we as wives are made to respond to our husbands. But remember God still holds you accountable for your actions in every situation. If you know that the Word of God instructs the wife to be submissive to the husband, then that’s what God expects, without you saying, "BUT!"

Misery comes when we don’t want to do it God’s way. We think we have a better plan. God does not need any alterations to His plans for marriage. He designed it in the beginning and it will stand until the end. He is calling for obedience. Obedience will dispel misery.

Continue to read as I share From My Heart.

The Lord impressed upon my heart to produce a handbook in which I mention some hard problems and tough issues I had to face in my own marriage. You may be struggling with the same things in your marriage that’s causing you MISERY. While the Lord was healing my marriage and years after I was conducting my teaching ministry, I realized that husband and wife were to submit to one another in the fear of the Lord, thus, showing me--

First, it was through my disobedience and the subsequent pain in my marriage that moved me to desire ministering to other women after I was restored back to fellowship with the Lord. I wanted to teach women what I learned from my experiences.

Second, I did not understand God’s divine plan for marriage nor did I have anyone to explain the purpose of marriage. I met a young man, fell in love with him and we got married. I believed that if I did my 50% and my husband did his 50%, then the marriage would go well. But, if he didn’t take care of his half, then I wouldn’t do my half. Even though I didn’t realize that in marriage, both partners are required to fulfill their obligation of 100%, God still held me accountable for my negligence.

The hardships I faced early in my marriage were direct results of my disobedience to God’s Word. My disobedience came in the form of unsubmissiveness, rejecting authority and a sharp tongue. That should tell you that my early years of marriage were not a pretty picture. Thus, my marriage began to deteriorate and became an open playground for Satan.

I now understand the words, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder." The hardships I was encountering in my early years of marriage were just what Satan needed to separate us. I also know that I was created specifically for my husband. But in the early stages of my marriage, I didn’t care about any ties that joined us together as husband and wife. In fact, I felt that the ties would put me under his control and not allow me to have any control.

So, as you go through this handbook, I encourage you to be honest with yourself and God. God always desires honesty before He begins to restore broken ties in marriage (or any other relationship for that matter). You don’t have to be miserable in your marriage if you do it God’s way. If you are ready for healing and restoration in your marriage, then be willing to do it God’s way. It may be painful, but it will minimize regrets and bring lasting solutions, not misery.