Dot's Dateline
An Investigative Report on Marriage-able Obviously Mythi8207cal Men
by
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and yet another letter from Fred
Hello Dottie, Glad to hear from you and hop this finds you well and enjoying life. Why I am rather unsettled. I can't come to Florida for this reason. I have two dogs and I can't drive my car. The dogs live in the house with me. They don't know what a cold winter is they are a lot cleaner than lot humans. It would take lot money to buy them for in fact they are not for sale. At any money they are my true friends. Why don't you come up here? I am 5'7" and one half tall. I guess you are taller than that. So you care too much for fishing I can't say I blame you too much. Weight 150 if you decide to come up here. I will pay your way. I do not have much of house for you to stay in but I guess we could make out some how. I have a mobile home right beside my house. It is quite nice I thinkso. I am sorry you can not drive a car. You see Dottie I was married one time and after 6 months she said she was off sex and moven in another bed so it was all over then. Now I lost my youth but I was younger at that time. It was no good for me but she told me of a few things that she had done it with someone else. O my birth date is Nov . 18 if it makes any difference. Well I do not believe in those signs. However I guess they are all right. Well you asked me what I did. I started out to be a farmer so I worked for reming arms. I was an inspector there. I bet you have a nice home yes or no? Well that is the reason I picked on you. I lost my youth and you are 75 years old. I guess you do not care much for sex anymore. I never been to hav e it and I would care to go there. It would mean nothing to me. I been all over but that is one place I never been. A good rain here today it sujre was welcome we hadn't any rain for 5 weeks. Dottie what you got on your mind are you lonely? Have you got kids. I do not have any children. I wish some times I had some because I am getting old and t6hey might help me out but i have a cousin in eastern Kansas. He has two boys and 3 or 4 girls. He is worth a million dollars. He siad only time them boys come around him was when they want money. But he said they don't always get what they ask for. He does have a wife she is bitch in my words. I have never reached the million mark of this time but I got enough to get along on a pension of about $500 a monthy and the interest on my money comes in every month so I am getting along alright. O I have a head full of hair it is dark and gray. I chew tobacco smoke very little. I just puff it never inhale. about one or two a day. I do not drink just a couple tablespoonsfull a day that is about it and sometimes not that. Most of the time none. I will send you a picture of me but it's not the best but the best I can do at this time. O.K. glad you told me what kind of a car do you have. are you said you don't drive I wish you did. I have a nice little car runs like a new one but I can 't drive it as I told you they took my drivers licence them yourg hoars up there in Topeka thought I was too old. That is main reason they took it!!!!*****##### it's a shame we have p in the world like that. As I told you I had a housekeeper. She thinks she owns me I have told her 50 times to get out but she still stays she is mad all the time. I got to get rid of her some way.She will go to the phone and address herself a sMiss Lee. I told her to quit that. Fred (Kansas)
A note from Fred of Kansas was enclosed it read "Hey I had a talk with the housekeeper here and she agreed to take care of my dogs if I wanted to go to Fl. so just how much of a deal would it be to get to your place. and what plane would I have to take could you give me some of the condition. Do you live house of your own or do you rent. Well I just might take a big idea to come down and see you?*************What do you think about it? Let me no in your next letter. Here's a reply which came from a gentleman stationed at Howard C. Mcleod Correctional center 4-14-89 Hello Dottie, Recently saw your name and address in a singles list. I felf I just had to commend you on looking so young, so lovely, and yes even so sexy for a 72 year old lady. Even though you look very young and lovely for your age I am far too young to seriously think about marriage to a woman of your age. However I would like to become your friend and who knows anything is possible. Perhaps you will allow me to tell you a little about myself. I am 47 years old, weigh 150 pounds, have brown hair, and grey eyes. I don't drink and haven't in several years, also don't use drugs. I am an honest and sincere person. I haven been a widower for several years. Enjoy travel bosting, fishing, quiet evenings at home, and good food among numerous other things. I feel it is perhaps only fair to tell you that I am currently serving time on a state prison farm because of a shooting incident in which I couldn't prove what actually happened. I have been in prison a few years and am hopefully looking forward to parole in the not too distant future. Before coming to prison I ran a commercial roofing and sheet metal crew, and prior to that I spent eight years plus in the army in the 1960's. Will close and anxiously await your reply. Hopefully a new friend Paul (OK.)
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About the Book
I once got a phone call from a, now long time deceased, old boyfriend of mine. He told me he had something extremely urgent to tell me. Just as he was about to speak an operator interrupted us to inform me that this was a collect call and would I accept the charges? I was torn, but after a fraction of a second I declined the call. After all, a widow's pension doesn't cover luxury items like interdimensional phone calls whose charges could be out of this world. This was a call that came right before I began my two-decade odyssey into no man's land. In this book are the many letters I have received over these twenty some years of an all out personal manhunt. I was just looking for one good man but sadly out of all these men who wrote me I must report I'm still single. I am now almost ninety years old but I intend to keep on trying, mostly out of habit. Oh why didn't I accept those phone charges way back when? He couldn't have been any worse company than any of these gomers. There was an old lady whose catch phrase use to be "Where's The Beef?"; I'm an old lady and my catch phrase is "Where's The Beefcake?"
About the Author
As I rapidly approach the threshold of my 90th birthday, I still hold onto an illusion of yet another wedding day. I must be insane since even after this twenty year dry spell I have once again joined a singles club. If Oprah and Donohue both endorse it, I figure it can't be all bad, Ha! Ha! Being this old I've lived through a lot of history. From Orson Well's panic evoking radio broadcast of War of the Worlds right up to the shock of 9/11's terrible Tuesday, the worst yet. I felt that methods of courting are also of historic value in their own simple way. After thinking about it that way I also felt this accumulation of painstakingly collected correspondence might be of value as some extremely interesting reading material. People might want to read about twenty years of unrequited love letters. You know a basic educational guide on how not to do it seemed worthy of documentation. So, this is my one and only contribution to the literary world. Hey, if it was good enough for Grandma Moses, what the hell!