You've Got Funny Mail
by
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When you finally resign yourself to the conclusion that you will never understand the opposite sex, but like being together nonetheless, you may decide to get married. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Good luck! - DY
Here is the LOST CHAPTER IN GENESIS . . .
So God asked him, "What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she’ll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history....
Ah, children. They’re almost worth the trouble. - DY
Children’s Books You’ll Never See:
"You Were an Accident"
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
"Some Kittens Can Fly!"
"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"
"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"
"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes!"
"All Dogs Go to Hell"
"The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking"
"When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer They Say God Did It"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
"Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
"Bi-Curious George"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"
"You Are Different and That’s Bad"
"Dad’s New Wife Timothy"
"Pop! Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games"
"Testing Homemade Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets"
"The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"
"The Tickling Babysitter"
"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"
"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"
"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"
"Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom’s Purse"
"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"
"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"
"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"
"Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear"
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Book Details
About the Book
"YOU’VE GOT Funny MAIL" is a compilation by Divad Yvel of five years of humorous emails about love, life and happiness. Many of us have received these emails, but often delete them as junk mail when we are busy, or, at best, after reading them, immediately delete the message from our computer’s memory and our own memory, and lose that fleeting smile from our face. This book offers the opportunity to remember that "good one" that you wanted to share with a friend, savor the "dry one" that you had to read twice, and discover the "great one" that you will want to go back to again when you are feeling down. Some of these jokes may be perceived to pick on someone, but be assured that there is no offense intended. Divad just wants to make you laugh. Enjoy!
About the Author
Divad Yvel emigrated from the former Yugoslavia to the United States in 1994. With a degree in engineering, Divad found a career in mechanical engineering, and lives today with his wife and two children in a Detroit suburb. Always intrigued by technology, Divad was amazed by the development of the Internet and email. In the context of his childhood home, which had not a TV, telephone nor even a radio, he was all the more astounded by the extraordinary communicative power of email. He quickly realized that this power could be used for both good and evil purposes – a letter from a far-away family member or a harmful virus, a religious inspirational message or vicious hate-group propaganda. Divad took upon himself a mission to find and share the best that email had to offer. What better than an instant message that puts a smile on your face, lightens a rough day, or simply breaks up the monotony.