The Battle Is Not Yours
by
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Niles walked over to her and gave her a bear hug and whispered in her ear, "I love you gorgeous." She giggled. "I love you too, son." Sierra grabbed her grandmother by the hand. "You want to come with me, Grandma?" Mom smiled. "No, not this time baby." While Niles put Sierra in her car seat, Mom and I stood on the porch facing each other holding hands in silence. Finally she hugged me. "Go on with your family. I’ll be alright." Feeling as if the internal dam, which constrained my emotions, was buckling I said, "I love you, Mom." "I know you do. I love you too." She turned to walk back into the house. As Niles drove off, I sat facing the window waving. The dam was breaking. Tears were streaming down my face. Slow at first but within a matter of seconds they were falling fast and furious. By the time we reached McDonalds, which is just a few blocks away, I was sobbing uncontrollably. Niles totally perplexed looked at me speechless. Finally he asked, "What is it?" I tried to give him a verbal response, but every time I opened my mouth an uncontrollable screech came out with more sobs. As I looked at Niles' face I could see he was afraid. In our five years of marriage, he had never seen an emotional outburst like this from me. He didn’t know what to do. I wanted to clue him in but I couldn’t. The lump that had been in my throat since earlier that morning had paralyzed my vocal cords leaving me the ability to only utter incomprehensible phrases. After a few moments, I regained a small level of control, and was able to speak with intermittent gulps for air. "Mom told me this morning that she is HIV positive, and we are not allowed to tell anyone." I began to cry all over again but this time not as violently. Niles, who had been holding me for the past ten minutes, released me. He lowered his face until his forehead touched the steering wheel. If it weren’t for the heaving of his shoulders, I would have never known that he was crying. It was a strong silent cry. I wiped my face, retrieved my wallet from my purse and walked into McDonalds to order our breakfast. In a daze I placed my order. Without realizing what I was saying, I asked to speak to the manager. A very nice man came forward. I honestly, don’t remember my exact words but I know I asked to use a phone. I must have looked like a woman in total despair, because the gentleman said, "I’ll be right back." When he returned he had a phone in his hand. He plugged it in somewhere under the counter. The manager handed me the receiver. "Help yourself." I dialed my mom’s number. "Hello." "Hi Mom." "Hey baby, where are you?" "Around the corner at McDonalds." "Are you ok?" "Yes. I love you." "I love you too. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be ok. Have a safe trip and call me when you get home"
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About the Book
THE BATTLE IS NOT YOURS
The novel begins with Sherina recalling how the discovery changed their lives. Following the disclosure the reader travels back through time with the introduction of THELMA, Lorraine’s biological mother. Thelma gives birth to four children and raises none of them. The only positive thing she does for her children before abandoning them is to place them in stable homes. However, despite Lorraine being raised by a respectable family, she never knew love until she met a young marine while in high school. Lorraine’s dreams of a loving traditional lifestyle are again challenged when in the mid 1960’s at the age of 24 she is numbered among the thousands of women who are widowed because their husbands have become casualties of war.
As the story continues Lorraine is determined to be a better mother to her daughter than Thelma was to her. Consequently Sherina and Lorraine are inseparable. They spend time travelling in the Caribbean and soaking in the excitement from the cultural revolution that is prominent in the free spirited ‘70’s. However, their relationship changes, as Sherina grows more autonomous. The discord begins when Lorraine is unable to smoothly make the transition necessary from parenting a younger child to a more free-willed teenager; while Sherina, a typical self-absorbed adolescent, does little to ease the process.
As the reader follows Sherina’s development to womanhood the story is again told through her narration. At this point the obstacles HIV patients and their loved ones face become evident. While Lorraine is stuck in denial and refuses to accept her medical condition, Sherina is anguished by the reality of their imminent fate. After a long battle, Sherina finally gets Lorraine to adhere to medical advice; however she inevitably becomes symptomatic. Although Lorraine does not win the battle against AIDS, the story concludes with Sherina’s realization that all of the issues that have impacted their lives -- child abandonment, single parenthood, the effects of war and the fear of rejection as a result of the stigma of AIDS, are merely societal woes. The novel ends with Sherina’s ultimate acceptance that life is filled with battles that can only be dealt with on a spiritual level.
About the Author
Trisha M. Gadson is a freelance writer for The New Pittsburgh Courier and a former staff writer for a local publication, the McKeesport Daily News. She is a volunteer for AIDS service organizations and has a special interest in the education and prevention of the spread of HIV in minority communities. She has also gained personal experience about AIDS by serving as a caretaker for a relative. Gadson lives in the Pittsburgh area with her husband and two children where she is employed as a social service worker and is working on her second novel. The Battle Is Not Yours - A portrayal of a relationship between Lorraine Jackson and her daughter, Sherina, who have a strong commitment to one another despite opposing personalities. The bond between them is realized when they are heaved into a tailspin upon Lorraine’s discovery of her HIV status.