Angry White Male and the Horse He Rode In On

SHE FLOATED INTO THE ROOM LIKE A SOFT RAY OF LIGHT

1967 gave us The Six Day War. When the first shots rang out between Israel and three Arab countries, the mighty United Nation Peace keepers grabbed a hat and ran out the back door.

Israel wound up owning three times the amount of land that they originally had. They also wound up with huge amounts of Russian arms that were provided to the Arabs.

Al Gore studied calculus, a method he would employ while inventing the Internet. Jimmy Hoffa waved goodbye and began serving an eight-year prison term for jury tampering. He left the Teamster’s Union in good shape. Bill Clinton was establishing his musical prowess, mastering the tuba while I was about to do his future wife.

She floated into the ballroom like a ray of soft light. That’s the way I heard Mrs. Clinton described by some dizzy parasitical reporter. I remember her a little differently, before she learned how to "float". I guess you could call it more of a "humping motion".

The Trip Lounge was a popular Northwest Side bar on the Chicago side of Harlem Avenue. Dimly lit, nicely decorated with leather stools and a carpeted floor.

I was working the door that night with "Benny The Animal," checking IDs and letting in the regulars ahead of the groupies. The usual Saturday night line was starting to form.

I was bewildered on my ride back home thinking what may have happened to the Colonel. I wondered if the BATF had threatened him and scarred him off. He didn't seem like the kind of guy that would scare easily. Maybe he promoted himself to General, I thought, and moved on to a larger brigade. Maybe now he was in charge of a division or fleet.

Direct traffic? He, he, he, that made me chuckle. Directing traffic might be a little too tame for me, I thought. If any s*** ever jumped, I'd want to be in on the action. Maybe get me a couple of those putrid little white liberals that like to stir up s*** and incite riots. If these militia guys were legit and discovered I was an ex-felon, they'd probably make me train with a broomstick instead of a gun.

Don't get me wrong. I'm a believer in our Second Amendment, the right to bear arms. In my State an ex-felon cannot own a gun, but that's okay. I really don't need a firearm. I know of a hundred ways to kill a person up close with my hands or with household implements.

I know one method of making a lethal weapon out of a newspaper. Wouldn't that be poetic justice to stab one of those kooky liberal journalists with their very own propagandized column?

I'd beat the rap, too. Our laws don't mean anything anymore. Our Senators showed us that as they negated our 14^th Amendment and put our lying President above the law.

I'd use the court tactics Clinton taught us. I could just dummy up and cop an insanity plea or tell the judge I don't remember or I can't recall. I can't be absolutely sure, Your Honor, I don't recollect. It happened long ago. I'm not sure. I can't be certain, I may have been out of the country at that time, I'll have to check my calendar to be sure.

Are you sure you're talking about me, you know I've heard I've got a twin brother that may have criminal tendencies? Maybe you should look for him instead of bothering me with all of these frivolous questions . . . besides, I've got a get-out-of-jail-free card tucked up my sleeve, compliments of the State of Illinois, for sending me to the bughouse while I was in the joint. I'll tell the judge, hey dude, I'm certified. I'll tell him I wasn't aware of any controlling authority against flying a paper airplane in a crowded newsroom and then go on to elaborate. You see, Your Honor, I'm a distant relative of Vice President Al Gore and I was just trying to reinvent the airplane. I'd fondle my crotch and let out a maniacal laugh as the gavel falls and I hear those ever lovin' words: Case Dishmisshed!!

Let me get the old encyclopedia out to check on her resume. That's funny, no mention of her in the Americana or Britannica. As a matter of fact, the Britannica only devotes about six paragraphs to her old man.

Maybe I better look in the World Book 2000. Hillary, Hillary, Hillary . . . Sir Edmund Hillary . . . oh, that's the guy Hillary claimed she was named after; that famous mountain climber who scaled Mt. Everest . . . but that didn't happen until 1953. Oh . . . maybe he climbed it twice? Maybe his 1947 record got lost or misplaced somewhere.

Here we go. Hillary Rodham Clinton. This encyclopedia lists no accomplishments other than being a chairperson for "The Children's Defense Fund", an organization that promotes child welfare while undermining parental rights. Another liberal scheme to advance more Government control over parental rights.

The World Book claims her to be a distinguished lawyer and one of our most "active" First Ladies in US History. Tell me about it! She's one of our top 100 leading attorneys. I wonder what cases she tried in a Court to have the World Book bestow this illustrious claim?

That's unusual. I've never heard of her name mentioned in the circles of F. Lee Bailey, Johnny Cochran or even Mark Levene. She is certainly no match for that feisty ex-prosecutor Cynthia Alksne and at home here if she had to go up against Eugene Pincham or Phillip Corboy, she'd lose every time.

I seriously doubt if she ever tried a case in Court. I probably have more experience time in front of a judge than she does. She herself will tell you she only worked minimal time at the Rose Law Firm. She worked so little she never even bothered to keep any billing records, right?

Was is Middle Eastern terrorists as our news media first reported or was it the "home grown" terrorists that our kooky media gleefully reported and perpetually shoved down our throats around the clock?

Why was this suspect, Timothy McVeigh, so easily apprehended without offering any resistance? Driving around town with no license plate on his car surely begs for a police officer to stop him. Could this guy be that dumb? Oh, no!

Maybe he’s just real smart. He just murdered 168 people and he wants the State of Oklahoma to lock him up. He wants shelter and three meals a day. He quit his job in the US Army so now he wants free lodging and meals from the State. He likes sh--on the shingle and grits and he heard Oklahoma serves up the best grits in the west. He’s slick and he’s got a computer chip sewn up his ass.

What about that Suspect #2 guy? That Middle Eastern guy that still hasn’t been caught. He must have had a valid license plate on his car and he sped out of there like a bat out of hell. He has no computer chip up his ass so now he’s home free. Probably drinking coffee and laughing right now with Osama-bin-Laden in a political hideout next to a bombed out aspirin factory in the Sudan.