Fractured Proverbs and Twisted Thoughts
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
Part I
Thinkables & Winceables
Humor,
Ours Is Not To Reason Why,
When You Wish Upon A Star,
What We Acquire Without Sweat,
Waste Not,
Clothes,
The Greater The Mess,
No Sweat,
The First Mistake In Business,
Casting Bread Upon The Water,
Age Is A State Of Mind,
I’m A Lean, Mean,
A Drowning Man,
There Are Three Faithful Friends,
One Man’s Meat, Cellulite,
Moderation,
Senior Citizens,
Patience,
Still Waters,
You Can’t Get Blood From,
Many Are Called,
Necessity,
A Brain Without Synapses,
A Man Without Guts,
Bad Money,
We Have Nothing To Fear,
There Is Nothing New,
One Man’s Yard,
If The Shoe Fits,
Air Heads,
Life Is,
I Think,
All The World’s A Stage,
The Prophet Of Doom,
Call Waiting,
I Reserve The Right,
If At First You Don’t Succeed,
The Antidepressant.
Reason Rarely Enters Into It.
Is It Still There?
Is Weight.
Hoard Everything.
Prevent Nudity.
The Better The Meal.
No Stink.
Is Monday Morning.
Makes For Soggy Sandwiches.
And I’m In A State Of Denial.
Starving Machine.
Is All Wet.
Me, Myself and I.
Is Another’s Soy Substitute.
The Stuff Of Flab.
When You’re Too Old To Have Fun.
The Prune Juice Generation.
Generates Stress.
Are Bayous.
A Vampire.
But Only The Recorder Answers.
The Only Reason We Work.
Is Void Of Thought.
Wears A Colostomy Bag.
Is Made By Good Copiers.
But Ignorance.
It’s All Recycled.
Is Another’s Eyesore.
It Must Be Ugly.
Speak Through A Vacuum.
A Grimm Fairy Tale.
Therefore I’m Superior.
Littered With Hams.
Is A Party Pooper.
The Excuse To Say Goodbye.
To Be Stupid.
Delete The Program.
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About the Book
A sense of humor twisted or otherwise, makes everything in life more palatable. Sometimes it feels good to say exactly what you think. Fractured Proverbs and Twisted Thoughts is just such an indulgence. Fractured Proverbs and Twisted Thoughts takes an irreverent look at the world around us. Nothing is off limits. Therefore the Proverbs, the words of Willy Shakespeare and others are fair game, as are familiar sayings, phrases from songs, and jingles. When no known phrase was available for some improper tweaking, the labyrinthine twists of the author’s mind sprang into creative mode to produce the Twisted Thoughts portion of this book. Since we humans tend to take ourselves and our puny lives too seriously, the intent of Fractured Proverbs and Twisted Thoughts is to evoke a wry smile, a wide grin, or perhaps even out and out laughter. If we are honest, there is an invigorating sense of freedom in stating exactly what we think about any given subject, a person, or a particular event. So feel free to fall in with the rhythm and mindset of this book and indulge in a few Twisted Thoughts of your own.
About the Author
I was born into a family of loquacious megalomaniacs. My maternal ancestors were Hungarian Princes and Counts. With this smattering of royal blood in my veins and being the first born, perhaps I can be forgiven for my mild delusions of grandeur. Many times my father remarked that I sharpened my tongue on a pencil sharpener. Even as a small child, I found something to giggle about at some very inappropriate places and some less than humorous occasions. Is it any wonder that as I "matured," my skewed sense of humor became even more warped? My general philosophy of life is that humor is the key to happiness and survival. Armed with a sense of humor, one can tolerate the intolerable, work with and endure the blandest of creatures, triumph over irritating circumstances, and in general enjoy life to the fullest. I truly believe that God must have a tremendous sense of humor after all he did create man. Visit our website at
E-mail the autor at elizabeth@elizabethcowan.com.