The Tainted View
by
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They seethe behind their self-protective desks, and the only moment of pause is presented by a ritual of barking down orders through the chain of command. The bottom line has now become an obsession, as dollar signs and greed occupy their time budgeted days. I am speaking of the dictators who command the business world, otherwise known as Corporate America. Many times these folks will start from the bottom and work their way up the corporate ladder. Every step they take, you can almost be sure they are leaving a shoe imprint on a former co-worker. I don’t wish to take anything away from these company cheerleaders, such as a dent in their hard-earned education and endless knowledge. I am also not trying to belittle anyone’s success, but as one of their peasants, this is how I know them. You see, there are two type of corporate business folk. First there are the cold-conscience mortals who are born with a silver spoon in their mouth. These iron-fisted tyrants are viscous and brutal, having no mercy on an individuals job security. Simply, they are packaged by kindness, but their contents are brimming with arrogance and greed. They possess every material item known to mankind and they always have. Their success in the business world seems almost untouchable because of their glorified title. Who would want to challenge their self-proclaimed superiority, because they uprooted themselves, and they placed their life on the same level as the holy one. Well wake up and smell the homegrown ladies and gentlemen, because you people need a lesson in reality. I, along with many others, have been your slave for more years than it is worth counting. We come to work on time five days a week, and we stay at least eight hours per day. We obey your every command in hopes of squeezing one more quarter out of that multi-million dollar pocket. You like to call us your family, yet you can’t distinguish between who is who, even if we have been employed by you for nearly a decade. God forbid you should take the time to acquaint yourself with those of us who are truly responsible for keeping your business thriving and your customers content. Apparently, "thank-you," is a foreign word in the minds of the CEO’s and upper management. Let's talk about the loyal and dedicated employee for just one moment. Everyday we must greet the grimacing public and maintain a friendly, vivacious perma-grin. When our thick skin shows any sign of elasticity you can be sure the unemployment line has a space with our name on it. You constantly preach about how our welcoming personalities must remain as exhilarating as ever, regardless of how much mental abuse we endure from the gracious consumer. We carry this pride-sucking burden while enduring each and every moment, because we need these jobs. Well Mr. Corporate Brow-beater, without our presence you would literally be accommodated with anal discomfort, while suckling money out of the general public yourself. In your eyes we are merely second rate sludge dregs who should be grateful to be employed by such a prestigious enterprise. However, allow me the pleasure of educating your mind. A majority of your employees exhibit a considerable amount of dislike for you, secretly compare most of the customers to mental patients from an insane asylum, and spend at least five hours per day communicating under our breath about each. The remainder of the time we are pooling our money together to buy the local newspaper for the updated employment ads. Try not to dwell on my obvious exaggerations for too long, because we do wholeheartedly grind the stone when the job demands it. Unfortunately the bills do require payment at some point, so we must work as a necessity to survive. Besides, without people like us who are willing to bottle up our dignity on a regular basis, your stores wouldn't expel such a delightful essence. However, keep in mind that we will only wither in self-pity long enough to catch a ride on the train that tours into the land of fifteen minutes of fame. Now let me take a wild guess at what your ingenious rebuttal to all of this nonsense will be. "You can either move up or move out, but either way you can be replaced." What a splendid idea...let's omit any ounce of distinction and moral character that resides in our body, for the honor of promotion. The first lesson to climbing the corporate ladder is ascertaining tunnel vision. What I mean by this is without any question you will become the leader of a brainwashed team. If you’re starting with a new group you will become the nonpolitical Hitler. The meaning of every word you disgorge will be based on a do as I say and not as I do theory. Due to the high demand of top contender in the human rat race, you will no longer have any true friends within the company. Avoid feeding into the gossip circus, because your own scandalous tattle will become blackmail in a stepping stone for one of your fellow coolies. One last piece of advice. If you attempt to create a thought outside of the big wig handbook, then you should also consider looking for your future replacement immediately.
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About the Book
My name is Kristina Landers, and I am 25 years of age. Currently, I am working as an Assistant Manager in retail, and like many others, I am confined to a mind numbing job that is sucking the life out of my body and soul. However, from my background in existing, and through my career in public relations, I have been able to observe first hand the distinct idiocies of our culture, thus I must release this elongated list of pet peeves from the perpetually agitated part of my thought process. As I state in the Introduction of The Tainted View, I am just an average Joe, thus I do not deem myself as being greater, smarter, or any more successful than the average person. I am simply tortured by the idea of taking a backseat to all of the empty-headed cretins on this planet, and I am rightfully taking a stand. I had been searching for many years to find my place in this world, and finally, through The Tainted View, I have discovered my calling in life. Previously I attempted to write a romance novel, however, when I was completed with the book, it was approximately five pages in length. Apparently their isn’t a high demand for romance pamphlets in the market, so inevitably it had to be put to rest. You can get to know me on a more intimate level in the Introduction, Text, and Summary of my book. I truly believe that people are endlessly searching for that to which they can personally relate, so this is what I offer to them-- I am confident when I say that every single person alive has been fueled by the ignorant actions of another. Do you remember the last time you felt rabid by the careless driving habits of another? How did you feel the last time an emotionally impotent man spouted out a sarcastic remark about PMS? Were you jumping for joy the last time you stood in line at the supermarket, behind a family with two parents and ten kids, while they proudly paid for an array of brand name food products with food stamps? Hey, I am equally as exhausted by a society that has become too self preoccupied in life that their actions have ignited a race that is rewarded by the demise of intellect and pride. In The Tainted View, my topics of discussion range anywhere from, PMS to road rage, all the way to annoying customers, litter junkies, and free loading parasites (stay tuned, there is much, much more). This is a tainted journey that will forever implant itself in the pet peeve portion of your mind. *Entertainment purposes only, not to be taken as remedial advice.
About the Author
I have concocted this book despite the negative feedback that may surface in time. When you read my theories about life, please try to be open-minded. Realize that it is just one person's over- opinionated outlook; the world through the eyes of a young adult. I would also like this book to act as an outlet for people who don’t have the opportunity, or maybe even the courage to speak their mind. This is not a self-help escape to some ridiculous miracle, it is simply words on paper to be translated any way you deem appropriate. I don't wish to influence or persuade anyone's viewpoint to suit my convictions. I am not a pessimist, nor do I choose to wither in self-pity over the injustices of life. Therefore, I share my feelings without caution, as we so often neglect to do in our everyday lives. Let me start by telling you a little bit about myself. My name is Kristina Landers, and I am a 25-year-old assistant manager in a well-established video store. I have attended college, however, I have not obtained a college degree. I have also studied many other alternative schooling courses, and thus far, I am still sitting in a job where I am overwhelmed with feeling of under-accomplishment. Someday I will be free from the chains of the corporate gurus, but until then, I am where I am. I am also a vegetarian and a supporter in the animal rights movement. I volunteer my time to wildlife rehabilitation, and I have played an active role in raising orphaned animals until they are able to fend for themselves in a natural environment. At this point, I will not continue to bore you with the details of my life, although the subject may be sparked at a later time. I am merely opening the door for you to poke fun at my life, as I will be at many of your ideas. Keep in mind that ridicule is not the sole controversy that dictates every chapter, but be forewarned it most definitely ties into the appropriate subjects. As I stated before, this is not my way of unleashing anyone's demon. It is merely a few thoughts coupled with an opinion here and there. Some of you may appreciate my thoughts, and some of you may cramp up in the afterthought. A Surgeon General's warning is not necessary; however, if you are easily irritated I cannot be held personally responsible for any health related problems that may occur. If at any point you feel your body temperature rising above normal, than close the book, take a deep breath, and get a grip. Mainly I will be exploring the everyday pet peeves that consume a niche in our brain. Sarcasm will be the writing style I have chosen to abuse, thus I can be brutally honest in a comedic sort of way. However, let me point out the fact that I am far from a comedian, and this little error in my genetic make-up makes me prone to the ridicule of those who have chosen to adapt humor as a means of making a living. Many of the topics I have chosen to write about are just everyday issues that tend to contribute to a lot of controversy. Everything and everyone is prone to a bit of heckling, thus making it sort of a norm in our gracious society. As a matter of fact, many of my topics were spawned from observing the mundane common folk and those who deem themselves a higher power in everyday life. Numerous people may ask, "Where does this slightly educated, wanna-be author, get of ridiculing everyone else?" Well, the answer my friends, lies in the question. I am just an ordinary Joe who is sinking fast into the pit of life. My goals and dreams are very much still alive, but they get further out of reach every day. I do not claim to be greater, smarter, or more successful than the average person. I am not much different than many of you. I have been dealt my hand of cards, and this is how I choose to play them. Well, enough psycho babble for now. I hope you enjoy my book, and if you don't then you can just add that to your list of everyday grievances that consume your woeful existence. If you do find yourself enjoying the book, then you can refer it to a friend, which will later stimulate further open lines of communication; something that has become so foreign in the land of the free. PS. I cannot be held accountable for the mechanical errors running through this text. Please try to focus on the contents within versus the imperfections. I hereby give all English teachers the permission to use this book as a format for mechanical do's and don'ts. I’ve spent many hours dwelling on my could be errors, thus I have come to the conclusion that my mistakes are simply supported by my previous claim; being of average intelligence. Thank-you----.