Fashioned by the Masters Hands

I believe I had taken at least six or so of these pills. Dad has always taught us if you’re going to do a job, then do it the right way. I sure did not want to disappoint dear old dad.

Looking at the handful of death and freedom pills, I did not know what the effects would be. Would it be a slow death, fast or painful? Could this way hurt? So many thoughts went racing through my mind.

I put them in my mouth and swallowed them all with a gulp of freedom. They went down easy and all at once. I then laid down in silence with an emotionless peace. All that was left was to wait and die. I thought!

It had been awhile, I knew my eyes were open so I put my hand over my nose to see if there was still air coming out. How dreadful! I was still alive! I had given into the thought of the possibility that I did not take enough. Should I take a couple more? Why not give it a chance and just wait patiently, it probably was the key to dying.

I felt a pang inside of my body, I knew I was getting ready to die now. I knew this was it, so I just laid back down and closed my eyes. The pills had dissolved and in many ways they started to talk to me.

The first conversation took place with my head. They talked so loud it made my head hurt as if someone had a sledge hammer trying to get out without missing a single beat with the intent of not quitting.

The pain had gotten so bad that it even hurt to open my eyes. The slightest little motion of my head made them hurt even more. I did not think fear would come in and lend a helping hand, but it showed up.

Why don’t I just hurry up and die? Why does it take so long? The pain was in full operation and I was starting to feel the effects of the pills.

Dad somehow managed to come into my mind at this time. If he inflicted pain on me right now it couldn’t even come close to what I was going through. I cried as if to run out of tears. As the night drew on so did the pain. My body started to tingle, which took over the scene.

It felt as if there was a thousand tiny needles taking turns poking at me endlessly. My body was trying it’s best to adjust to the thrushes that the pills were lashing out. There was an earthquake and a hurricane of pain taking place, but I knew at least that I was dying!

With this process, it felt like it anyway and I just hung on to courage!

Courage started out by saying that I was dying and I would not feel any more pain after this. Then something in my chest started to hurt and I knew it had to be my heart. I had to concentrate.

It started beating so rapid like it was actually going to jump out of my chest. It was as if each beat was racing against each other to see who was faster. Then I started to feel my body go through cold chills at times.

I could not even move I tried and nothing would happen. I began to feel light-headed. Regret was on my mind now, I didn’t think that dying would take so long. I started to hate the thought of dying.

Suicide screamed out at me, but it wasn’t helping me die any sooner. I ached and moaned inside with the most intense, horror and terrible death pangs. I can not even describe with mere words.

I fought with these attacks all night and wanting it to be over with. Questions began asking me questions. Who will find you? Will they be scared when they see me? My body and mind was clouded with pain and I tried not thinking about anything.

I remember crying out to God, why does it hurt, why won’t I just die already? Make it go away, was all I wanted. Death seemed to prolong and drag on. Then my body went through consistent cold thrushes and then I started breathing heavy as if to gasp for my next breathes!

I couldn’t breath. I tossed and turned and I tried lying upon my side to help my breathing, but nothing would help. All I could do is continue gasping for air. I then attempted to sit up to see if that would help.

The minute I sat up I fell over with no strength to support me. I held my head with such agony of the pain beating and throbbing. I was blacking out in the midst of some of the attacks. I was shaking from being cold.

This cycle was awful. As I regained my normal state for a moment, it would just repeat itself. I never really gave this decision much thought. I knew I wanted out of this life, it just seemed like the right thing to do and I was so desperate.

My brain was rolling around in pain inside my skull. Bang! Bang! Bang! This pain inside my head literally wanted out itself. This was a desperate attempt to put an end to dad. Not even in death did I escape dad. There was just no running, hiding or dying to get away from him.

The hours moved ever so slowly. I seen the light in the window begin to get brighter. I had already made up my mind I wasn’t going no where, especially to die. I was drained and weak. I had not slept through the extent of the night combating with fear, death, dad, and against life!