The Butterfly Within
by
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Monday, May 14, Dear Diary: Yesterday was graduation, but I decided not to participate in the ceremony. I'm still afraid of Larry, and I didn't know if he would try anything or not. I can't get over what he did to me. I was better to him than he was to himself--even better to him than I had been to myself. Everything I had done was about us, togetherness. Couldn't he see that I had given him the very best of my love? But somehow, my love and devotion just wasn't enough. Our values were too different, and he was definitely unworthy of my best. I guess I still love him, in a gut wrenching, nauseous, suicidal kind of way, but I’m wiped out emotionally, and I have nothing left to give him.
I'm glad I followed my instincts to leave him forever and never look back, because Larry is not motivated enough to change his behavior in the least bit. I was the one good thing in his life, and no one could ever love him better or more than I did. I gave him his strength and identity, and lost mine in the process. While I was devoting all my time and effort to loving Larry, who was loving me? Nobody! Not Larry, and certainly not me. I know I'm going to be okay in time, I just need time to find peace of mind. Time to say goodbye to the good, the bad, the dreams, and the relationship itself.
Right now, I feel that my only choices are to stay with Larry and die, or leave him and live. I choose to live.
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About the Book
The Butterfly Within is a novel about self-discovery, resolving internal issues, and taking responsibility for one's actions. A young woman reflects on her childhood in order to grasp a better understanding of how she came to be who she is. She also struggles to empower herself and break the cycles of self-destruction and low self-esteem that have plagued her family for generations.
About the Author
Sandra Jenkins is a native of Mound Bayou, Mississippi. She received a B.S. in Business Administration from Mississippi Valley State University and a Master's degree from the University of Phoenix.
She’s an adjunct professor with the Maricopa Community College District and is the sole proprietor of RWA Tutoring, a private professional tutoring service for grades K-12.
She is a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. and the National Black MBA Association, Inc.
Sandra is a stay-at-home-mom and resides in Arizona with her husband and three children.