The Way it Was

We started off with a bunch of chickens. Our existing coop and wire fence around it was adequate, and the chickens were laying eggs all over the place. But, one day we noticed that a lot of eggs were broken and partially eaten. There’s a rat in here somewhere, so I hit the Department’s book about chickens. It suggests that one or more of the stupid birds (comes out like..boids) was eatin the eggs. Sometin about Calcium deficiency. What do I know? We had to find out who, which chicken was the rat!

One of my buddies, Ray Lauziere (GI from the nearby air base) was at the farm on a nice enough afternoon, and after picking out the dirty rat chicken dat was doing the egg grabbin, he, and the book said, " Ya gotta kill dat dirty rat".

Ray, on the outside of the wire fence yells, "Grab em Matt, and swing em around and break his scrawny neck". So I grabs this little turkey rat, and he starts screamin and squawkin, and throwing feathers all over the yard. I wind up this animal like a big league pitcher and starts to propeller him around like I’ m gonna pitch a mean no-hitter. Around and around I go-- I’m swinging with all my might, and this stupid bird is screechin, and feathers are shooin out in all directions.

"No, No, Matt" hollers my advisor. "Not by the feet, BY the NECK "!

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My Most Embarrassing Moment

I had taken a flight from Spain to Germany to buy original clothes for our waitresses and barmen before the grand opening of the Ratskeller. During that time I made a short detour flight from Berlin to Hanover on a tip for a good deal in purchasing authentic German costumes.

I was seated in the middle seat of three on each side of the aircraft. A Lufthansa short haul nice jet plane. It was a full occupancy flight that shouldn’t take too long to complete. About mid way to the destination, I felt the beginning of what was to be an evil, monstrous, rumbling gas fireball being generated in the depth of my sour stomach. The fermentation of beer, bratwurst, and sauerkraut was going on full-scale gangbusters, mixing it up with Scotch whiskey, café solo with a shot of cognac, followed by a chocolate mint no less.

After shifting in my seat ever so slightly, and with a great deal of control on the trigger, I slowly cut that silent, putrefied little demon lose from the garbage pit of hell. I felt proud of myself until I caught a whiff. It made my eyes water!

The two passengers on either side of me bolted upright as if struck by lightning. The guy in the aisle seat crashed to the floor and staggered to the rear.

The passenger to my left literally jumped over me, gave me a quick dirty look, and choked his way to the back end of the aircraft. The three passengers in front of me, and on the other side of the aisle, front and back, all scrambled, pushing, and clawing their way to the rear. I was mortified! I kept trying to shrink down into my seat and prayed to disappear, but to no avail. Half the middle section passengers were now crowded in the back end of that airplane. And only when the obligatory, "fasten your seat belts in preparation for landing", announcement came on, did they return to their respective seats.