Bay County Memoirs

"What a beautiful day!" I had to say it to feel it. Sterling Meadows was a beautiful, slightly hilly setting for my private retreat these days. Gravestones of the old cemetery ranged from the smallest monuments to the most ornate mausoleums. This land of perpetual care reached from wrought iron entrance gates through sparse trees to the breathtaking view over the river.

My favorite place to sit, daydream, or nap was beside this large Southern oak. It looked over my family plot. The outer gravesite was my grandfather, Josiah Trenton. I missed him terribly. As a child and as a teenager, we were very close. He was a father figure when my real father was always working or cavorting with young women.

My name is Storm Trenton. My beloved mother named my brother and me for two natural loves that she has. At 35, my gray eyes and trim body had to face a grim but sure reality.

I am dying. I knew that this brain tumor had progressed quickly. I’ve seen local and regional specialists that have prepared me for the inevitable. I was given the prognosis a year ago. They told me after several consultations and examinations that I might have six months to a year. My computer graphics position had given me a good living and benefits. I was able to save a good bit of money. I have recently gone part-time. I told family that it gave me some space to pursue other interests. Friends and my lover knew that a medical situation was my agenda.

Yes, lover. I have lived with a wonderful man for seven years. Tracy, like others, believed that my medication would eventually stabilize these headaches and dizziness. They believed that I had not found the right combination of drugs or medical advice. He had witnessed ups and downs with this, but he was supportive and optimistic. Living in a southern city was enough to worry ones mind with other situations and emotions.

I was born and raised here. Bayside was a progressive, cultural, and historic oceanfront city. On the one hand, it has a southern mentality that could be unfair to homosexual couples. Tracy and I have made the best of it. We are not "bar" people. We met in the library. He was a librarian. Tracy was romantic at heart, and he was in the best place for his station in life. He escaped in books and I escaped in computer. Now, I escaped to the family plot.

Today my mind is tired. I negotiated time changes with my employment and I saw my lawyer to firm up the will yesterday. Today I needed to rest. The pain could be excruciating. Thank God I was very gifted and talented in my occupation. Thank God that I have gone beyond the denial and depression stages of my life. Depression was helped with work, friends, the web, and Tracy.

I relaxed under the tree on my blanket. I closed my eyes and felt the fresh spring sky. I was okay right now. I was daydreaming and drifting.

"So, you come again."

"Granddad?"

"Yes. It’s me. Storm, you will be joining me soon but there are some things you must do for yourself."

"What is it you ask?"

"Come to terms with this. You have sheltered yourself from everyone. You have shown strength and fortitude. You must tell my daughter-in-law that I have appreciated her love and devotion to me, and the family. You must finally tell Sky what is happening."

"Dad is somewhere in the Caribbean with Trixie or whoever and you want me to go to Mom and tell her thank you for putting up with this? He left us ten years ago so he could stay young with his broads. I was surprised he waited that long."

"They need to know. Just like your friends and your partner."

"I was never able to tell you about Tracy. I love him very deeply. I didn’t think you would ever understand."

"I do not understand but I would have preferred to have had more time with you in the end.

I loved my family unconditionally as I lived and progressed into the world of the soul immortal. Life is guided with two laws; you live and then you die. This deuteronomy of the universe is not a negative guide but a truth of the flesh."

"I will not tell Sky. He has turned into my father. One failed marriage, many lustful affairs, and a child that rarely sees him."

"Do not judge him. Give him the opportunity to know and to prepare. Alice will need him."

"Mother is better off with her friends. Tracy will be there for her."

"It is Sky’s duty as a son. You cannot expect Tracy to live your life for you after you are gone. You chose not to trust me. I ask that you please trust your brother."

"That is not fair. I always trusted you and loved you."

"Then you would have shared your life with me more fully when you chose an alternative lifestyle. There was no need to hide. Don’t hide now. Share this and prepare everyone. Do this for me as you say you will always love me."