Senior Choices - Remarriage or Relationships: The Pleasure and Problems of Romantique Encounters Over Sixty
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Sex and Dating
Is it Still Possible? Still Enjoyable? Yes! Yes! Yes!
When a couple start dating at this age, their expectations are often quite varied. They reflect their past experiences and present new concerns such as "Am I too old to date?" "Am I still attractive?" "What will my children think?" "Do I really need this?" "What if he wants sex?" The dating process is different from when we were in our twenties, though the courtship period has many similarities. The thrill of finding a new partner at 60 plus seems even more exciting than it did at 25 but this excitement is tempered by an individual's previous experience. Dating choices should have qualities needed for a good mate rather than just a date. Look for a good friend rather than a good lover. We remain sexual beings regardless of our age. Above all, be yourself and decide beforehand, what changes you will accept. A single date can often tell a new couple that they really should not pursue the situation any further while another couple can be convinced that they should move ahead----as rapidly as possible. Age has made us wiser, more perceptive and definitely more selective in choosing friends or people we want to spend time with. Characteristics that have always been irritating, remain increasingly so. We know what works for us and time is always on our minds. If a couple finds they are compatible with some added 'chemistry' they can progress into one of the relationships described in Chapter 1. Most couples develop a sexual relationship within six months of dating or earlier. The changing sexual morality of the 90’s has been adopted by many of us in our 60’s.
Many mature individuals, who have been sexually inactive for a period of time, may worry about resuming sexual activities. Healthy individuals at this age should have no physical limitations to an active sex life. However, psychologically, a barrier can exist for both parties. So much depends upon the individual’s attitudes and what has taken place in their previous sex life. Were they happy and content with their relationship? Did they both enjoy sex? Did they express their feelings physically and verbally to one another? All this will bear upon their response to a new partner. Communication between the two parties can eliminate some of the worry and stress of this subject but only if both parties can talk freely about their feelings. Many cultures find it easier to express themselves. They communicate with gestures, facial motions and physical touching. Latin and southern European countries openly embrace and communicate by non-sexual touching. It’s easier for them to share their sexual feelings than it is for most North Americans and Northern Europeans. We grew up with the idea that sex was private, secret and for reproduction, not pleasure. As a result, many feel this same way, even in a doctor's office. This is often because of family and religious upbringing and is more likely in the 60 plus age group than in their offspring. Sharing sexual experiences in conversation is common- place among the young. Pointed questions are asked and answers freely given. Those in our generation, particularly the females, shy away from sharing the details of sexual encounters. Sexual talk among seniors rarely takes place and then only jokingly. Sexuality is much more than a physical act. One cannot choose not to have sexuality--it is a part of the fabric of one's life. We can choose not to have sex but we will always be sexual beings.
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About the Book
Men and women living together outside of marriage is common place today. But did you know that almost 400,000 seniors are part of this group. A new book, Senior Choices----Remarriage or Relationships by Dr. Willard Burns and his wife, Peggy Burns, explains this new trend and the choices seniors are making in light of longer, healthier life spans, more money to spend and the independence to enjoy it.
This new book, which acknowledges that marriage is still the most accepted lifestyle for two seniors, explores the alternatives. In doing so, it breaks down senior relationships according to the main characteristics that bring the couple together. It describes the "geriatric stud" as well as what the authors call a "comfort companionship."
Relationships are different at 60 plus because seniors are different than they were forty years earlier. They may be wiser but are usually more practical, sometimes more frugal, set in their ways, more prone to aches and pains and often in need of a nap. Any or all these characteristics may determine what type of relationship a senior may become involved in.
The authors discuss many problems facing unmarried couples that are different from those that chose marriage. According to the authors, money and children are the two biggest factors preventing remarriage, but there are other stumbling blocks, too. Legal problems and deteriorating health, both physical and mental, are discussed in the context of relationships starting after the age of 60. With senior moments, cracking joints and over active bladder problems, it's not easy to start a new relationship.
Is sex always a part of a new relationship? This book addresses seniors involved in sex and some of the misconceptions about their sexuality. It deals with the fears, expectations, consequences as well as the pleasures of sex at this age.
The serious subject of death and burial is also mentioned. A few suggestions are given with emphasis on the fact that unmarried couples may have little to say about their partner's burial site.
The book adds humor to the eccentricities of seniors in their everyday lives. For those seeking a new partner, it ends with a lengthy list of good dating tips.
About the Author
We are both in our sixties, formerly widowed and now married five years. In our new life, we have made many new friends as well as taking up golf and tennis. We travel often including visits to children living outside the country. Our family now includes seven children and ten grandchildren. Willard is a retired physician who currently teaches at the George Washington University School of Medicine and the Johns Hopkins Adult Education program. He is scheduled to teach Medical Ethics in two locations for the Elderhostel program. He is the author of a medical book as well as numerous other scientific articles.
Peggy received a degree in journalism and was a contributor to the book The City of Washington. As the wife of a Foreign Service Officer, Peggy lived in several foreign countries where three out of four of her sons were born. After her husband's death, she worked for the CIA at headquarters in Langley, Virginia.