Conversations with My Mother
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August 14, 1996
It's very hard for me to accept my mother's death. I suppose it's hard for anybody to accept the death of a parent. It just didn't seem that it was time for my mother to die. She seemed so alert and aware. She wasn't sick, except for having arthritis and typical old age ailments....
Monday, August 19, 1996 3:25 P.M. Hi Ma, I went up to your house yesterday. It was painful for me. I cried. I stood and looked at the bed where you were sitting when we took you to the hospital and I cried. I'm having a hard time of it. To realize that you're not here any more is so difficult. I keep thinking how I want it not to be. But, I know, that this is the way it is. You have passed away, and I can't communicate with you anymore. I can only write these thoughts and hope that you somehow hear what I am saying. I never thought you were going to die...
Thursday, September 5, 1996 11:00 A.M. Hi Ma, It’s a little slow at work today, and I was thinking about how Bert always went through a "song-and-dance routine" whenever you asked him to do something. Sometimes I was also reluctant to do things for you, but I always did them, especially taking you to the supermarket. I know you enjoyed going and it got you out of the house a little while, but Ma, you were a pain in the a**. You had to examine every piece of fruit! You had to compare the prices of every can on the shelves. You drove me crazy! It’s no wonder I didn't want to go, but I did.
Thursday, October 3, 1996 Dear Ma, I was thinking today how I never considered you to be old. I knew it and understood it, but never considered it. I guess when one is with a person for so many years he starts to take certain things for granted, such as, his parents are always going to be there. One thinks his parents are always the same, that they never change. He knows intellectually that they change, but not emotionally. I guess what I'm trying to say is for me, you were stuck in time...
December 22, 1996 Dear Ma, Thinking about you now, all I can say is, I thank you for the life you gave me, for everything that you taught me, for the love that you gave me, and for being so wise. I thank you for making me the person that I am today. I am a good person and I owe it to you and Dad. I realize that I am the culmination of your bodies, your teachings, your thoughts, your goodness, your very essence. I hope I keep living up to these ideals and make you proud. Love, Mel. February 5, 1997 Dear Ma, Today is my birthday, as if you didn’t know. It’s unfortunate that you are not here with us to celebrate it. Not that I’m going out on the town, but I do wish you were here. I’m forty-five years old today, but I don’t feel like I’m forty-five. The years have passed by quickly. I would have to say that although Dad died in 1964, it seems like only yesterday. That’s not to say if Dad didn’t die, it would not have seemed that way. But today is my birthday, I feel good... and my life is okay right now.
February 13, 1997 Dear Ma, I think about you so often that I can almost hear you talking to me. As I said the last time I wrote, I miss you. I try to remember just the good times, but some memories always pop up about the way I sometimes treated you, which wasn’t always very nice. I sometimes gave you a hard time, and I really shouldn’t have. I feel guilty about that, and am sorry that I treated you that way. But in truth, every parent-child relationship...I guess every human relationship...no matter how wonderful, has some rocky moments. But when one of those people dies, the other one is left alone with those thoughts that are hard to resolve, although, in the long run, they are insignificant. Therefore, I try to remember just the good times. Love, Mel.
April 8, 1997 Dear Ma, Although we had construction done to change the shape of the apartment, to me, the apartment is still the same. I love the good memories and the feeling I have from them. By living in the apartment, I feel embraced by all of it. I think about you and Dad moving in when you were in your forties, which is how old Kay and I are now. It’s strange to think of that. I just keep wondering what it would be like if you and Dad were alive today. We would have had a great relationship, but you left me with wonderful memories and feelings of love.
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About the Book
Conversations With My Mother
The book deals with Melville’s feelings of loss, grief and despair. It speaks of his feelings of helplessness and anger when his mother became sick, and the author describes his feelings of inadequacy because there was nothing he could do to help her. He blamed himself for not having the foresight to know that something was "very wrong," as his mother had said. It also talks about his anger toward the doctors. Why didn’t they know more?
Conversations. . .
also describes his mother’s eulogy and burial, the cleaning out of her apartment and how one rises to the occasion to deal with the legal considerations and other responsibilities that take place after a parent dies.Melville, falling into the depths of depression, is shocked back into reality by an unforeseen event. He comes to terms with his mother’s death and begins to concentrate on living life again. The experience has made him realize the relationship between life, time, and a person’s dreams.
This book is a tribute that can be related to anybody’s mother. It shows a mother’s strong characteristics, how she survives in the face of tragedy, loss and pain, and how she simply wants to love and be good to her family. A mother’s humbleness makes her children want to be with her and near her. The author recognizes that a mother possesses a great knowledge of the human condition and that it’s a mother’s spirit and solid foundation that make us proud of her.
About the Author
Melville Gary Finkelstein grew up in the ethnically rich area of the Lower East Side of Manhattan, New York City, where he still lives with his wife. In 1996, after his mother passed away, his need to somehow communicate with her took the form of the written word and chronicles his thoughts, feelings and experiences during her last days and beyond. He is currently in sales, and was previously employed as an accountant. He is presently working on a sequel about his father.