No one walks into a marriage thinking that it will end. Spouses talk about their futures together, growing old together, where they may want to retire, places they want to visit someday, their hopes and dreams and goals for themselves and for each other. When the marriage ends, there is generally a feeling of failure that goes along with it. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership, and we all know that we have to work at it to keep it together. If it ends, does that mean we didn’t work hard enough? Didn’t try hard enough? Didn’t do enough to keep our spouse happy? What went wrong? Why couldn’t I make it work? Why couldn’t I fix the problems? These feelings are so common, especially among all of the overachievers out there who believe they can accomplish anything and fix anything if they just try hard enough.
Recognize that life is not fair and accept that reality. However, also recognize that sometimes it is not fair in your favor. Imbalance sometimes tips toward you and sometimes away from you. Don’t dwell on the times when it feels like the world is against you; instead celebrate the times when everything seems to be going your way. Take responsibility for your own happiness. If anyone intrudes on your happiness, recognize that it is your own fault for allowing it to happen. No one can make you feel any particular way—you control your own feelings and reactions. You choose how you will handle any particular situation. You can wallow in self-pity and wither away, or you can learn from a negative experience, grow from it, and become a better, stronger, and happier person. Accept responsibility for your own future; it is all on you now, and if you don’t take responsibility for it, no one else will.