Broken Pieces

“Ha, ha, ha”. I heard my oldest brother Bo laugh as he pushed me onto the ground. I clutched my knee close to my chest as I examined the scrape that adorned it from the push, as it was seeping blood I cried harder as my other two brothers swarmed around me laughing. “Look at Miss Pink, fat ass Miss Pink crying some of her fat away”. El and Chris sang as they taunted me. I didn’t know why they tortured me so much when all I ever did was be nice to them. My heart beats rapidly while I tried to call out for our mother who was in the kitchen preparing Sunday dinner. And here I was all muddy in my brand new church dress I begged my mother for all summer long. They were relentless with their attack steady kicking dirt at my bruised body. It was like my mother wasn’t paying them any attention then my eldest sister Tanya came rushing to my rescue pushing all the boys away from me. She held out her hand to pull me up and checked my knee as I cried while I held her tight around the waist. “Why the hell do y'all always have to bother her? I’m telling mama what you all did”. Tanya screamed at them as they ran around to the front of our house. “Are you ok Miss Pink? She asked while she hugged me and wiped my tears. “I'm ok Tanya, my knee just hurts”. Through tears I looked at my knee once again before limping off and soon she followed right behind me. “You have to stop letting them bully you Miss Pink or they would never stop”. “Ok Tanya”. Was all I said before entering the back door going through the kitchen to get to the bathroom to clean myself off? My mother looked at me, she parted her lips to say something about the dirt on my new dress but she kept quiet and returned to stirring whatever she was cooking in her big silver pot. I made it to the downstairs bathroom and rinsed my knee out with peroxide. Grabbed a face towel off the self and rinsed it out with some warm water and cleaned off my face. I had finally stopped crying and my eyes were bloodshot red. I wondered why they always treated me different from the rest of my sisters. Every one of those hateful siblings of mine tortured me. Bo, Chris, El and even the twins Armani and Ellen. Look at me the youngest of eight kids and everyone held a grudge against me everyone except Tanya. I loved her like a mother and she treated me as such. She always combed my hair. Told me I was beautiful even when I didn’t feel like it and she picked out my clothes. I felt safe whenever she was around. She had her days when she didn't want to be bothered by me and that’s when I would just let her be. My brother Bo was smart and very tall with dark skin and very mean. El was just as tall but kind of shy but never to shy to hit me. Chris was the youngest of the boys with light skin and he did everything the others did just to fit in with them. The twins Ellen and Armani looked exactly alike slim with the skin shade of caramel and medium height and they had a mean streak as evil as the devil. They would chase me around the house with raw chickens and belittle me to the point where I didn't think I ever belonged in this family. And then there was Penny she was the prettiest of us all she had boys falling all over her with her long hair and fair skin she wasn't as bad as the twins but she still treated me bad. And there’s me Miss Pink the youngest. At the age of 12 I didn’t know nothing other than that I wasn't good enough, that I was adopted, that I was fat and ugly. That no boy will ever find me attractive. My self esteem was beyond low it was none existing. I think that’s when the bulimia started right here in this bathroom mirror. Even on an empty stomach I stuck my finger so far down my throat to make anything come up. “Bang, bang, someone was hitting the door so hard it startled me. “Who is it? I screamed. “Miss Pink come out of there and get ready to come eat dinner”. My mother yelled back at me. I straightened up as best as I could rinsed my mouth out with warm water and flushed the toilet behind me. I looked at the mirror one last time. My reflection showed me a thin chocolate young girl with afro puffs in her hair. But all my mind was telling me was I was fat and ugly and I vowed to put a stop to it. I sat down next to Penny at the dinner table and my mother just stared at me. I was nervous thinking she knew what I was doing in the bathroom a few moments ago. “So are you going to tell me what happened”? She finally asked and I started to fidget in my seat. “What do you mean mama? I said nervously. “Don’t play dumb with me Miss Pink, why is your new dress so dirty”. She quizzed. “Oh I was playing a little too rough outside and fell and scraped my knee”. I knew telling on my brothers would result in a few more beatings so I opted out of that. “Well next time be more careful”. My mama said before scoping food on our plates. I was glad she didn’t push the issue and I was also glad that Tanya didn’t say anything. Cause the look on her face when I lied told a different story. My dad bowed his head and that was a signal to follow what he was doing so we could say grace before we ate. My mom rushed back to her seat to join us. We bowed our heads while my dad spoke we silently listened and when it was over we dug in. My mom and dad was heaven sent if you asked me. They kept us in the church every Sunday and mostly Wednesday for bible study, I loved church but bible study was boring to me. So most days when the other church members would bring their kids I would run around with them. My parents were from Mississippi. My mom Janet and my dad Ellis met at a very young age. My mom was 13 and my dad was 18 they got married on my mother’s 14 birthday after that they came up to Chicago and they started having children. My mom had 5 girls and 3 boys. And me being the youngest I would buy my daddy small things with the money I saved up from doing odd chores around the house. My mom was a deep spiritual woman who loved her family and her children she loved to cook and to clean. I loved to wear her big hats around the house when she was out and to play in her dresses. My mother loved everyone she came in contact with, she was very friendly, kind and understanding. My dad on the other hand he was nice to his family and his kids but he was mean to other people he did not like. He had the smoothest dark skin, he had long hair and always kept it neat and pulled back into a ponytail. My father always dressed up with slacks and button up shirts his nails stayed clean even working as a mechanic his finger nails was immaculate his hands was rough and they held a story of their own. He was a deacon chairman at the church of Everlasting faith. My father opened up his own business he also was the bread winner for sure. My mom did not have to work, my dad paid all the bills we had a 4 bedroom home 1 car garage and 3 cars. My mom loved to Garden, she had a beautiful garden in the backyard. That she tended to daily and sometimes she would let me help. I really did love my family even when my parents couldn’t see that I wasn't happy with myself. I ate quickly so I could just get in my bed. I was tired and exhausted I excused myself from the table when I was finished grabbed my plate and took it into the kitchen and placed it in the sink. But before I laid down I took a detour back into the bathroom to empty my stomach. I refused to keep all this food down, I refused to let them keep calling me fat. I was determined to be that skinny person I wanted to be and maybe just maybe after I accomplished that I could start bleaching my dark skin to get the shade my siblings would prefer.