Living with Depression

Very often when you hear someone speak of ‘Living with depression’, it is frequently in the same sort of context as ‘Living with cancer’, ‘Living with AIDS’, or ‘Living with my mother-in-law’. We tend to use the word ‘living’ in this context to mean surviving. I am sincerely hoping I can show you that we can take it to mean a little more. To mean, ….., errr … well, to mean living. Having a life, being alive, finding positives even in the overwhelming darkness. That doesn’t mean that we smile and skip and laugh and sing – most of the time we won’t; because we can’t! Neither does it mean that we can get on with life pretending that we are not depressed – that is not going to happen either. It means we come to terms with who we are, with what we are, and with what we have become. It means we are honest about the struggles we face daily, and somehow manage to live rather than just survive. My sincere hope in writing is that those who suffer – and the suffering is very real indeed, will learn to live, really live. That in sharing openly with others, I would learn to live again. Please be clear, I am writing to you as a fellow sufferer, not as one who has walked away unscathed. But a fellow sufferer who is slowly, very slowly, learning to live again. My hope for those of you close to those suffering is that you will help them to live. And sometimes it is just small, simple steps that can make a world of difference. Let me ask you a gentle question. When somebody – a friend, a family member, a colleague – told you they had depression, how did you react? I am going to guess internalised panic. Yes it was internalised, I am quite sure you made a real effort not to let the depressed know. But there was a panic none-the-less. What do I say? What do I do? Do I change the subject? If not what can I say because I have no idea at all what to say that might be helpful, kind, or constructive. Among the primary feelings of real depression are feelings of rejection, loneliness, failure, low self-esteem, and helplessness. The next time you hear that someone is suffering from depression bear that in mind. Make sure they know that you are not rejecting them – maintain eye contact, and listen to them. If you don’t know what to say, great …. shut up! Listen to them. Make sure they know they are not alone – pop round to visit them (don’t necessarily expect a warm welcome … but still make the effort). Take them a bar of chocolate or some fruit. Make sure they know you are there with them regardless of what they are going through. Challenge the feelings of insecurity and lack of worth – reminisce with them, and talk about happier times you have shared, times when they were on top form or made contributions to the lives of others. And just be there for them.