Wings of Roo

About the Book

When he left, he took a huge piece of me I will never get back. He brought me to my faith and has given me light through this darkness. In this I have realized you left something even bigger here on earth, and it is my job to share it. My son’s purpose, his life, his memory, his voice have become my passion. This storm has brought me to my knees. I have looked fear in the eyes, and this monster that took my baby, I have to choose to face it! My son left this earth on January 16, 2016, but he is still alive through me. He gave me life, he brought me back to life, and he has shown me what he was brought into this world to do and why God made me his mom. The year 2015 was full of sadness, heartache, and loss. Now 2016 began that way, but I chose to not look at it that way anymore. Micah’s death brought me out of the darkness, and he brought me back to life! I have never felt more alive. When I am telling his story, I can feel him making my voice louder. I will not stop until every parent knows my story and hears my son’s voice. I want people to see how his life, legacy, and memory are shining through me because I chose to fight this fight. Every baby deserves to wake up. Every baby deserves to have their story told and their name screamed from the rooftops! I will be their voice. I will be their light. I am coming alive for the babies that can’t! Micah, your wings were ready, but my heart was not. You are my saving grace.

About the Author

Before January 16th 2016, my world, my heart, my everything was dull. The year 2015 I went through every emotion a person can go through, not only that I did it pregnant and with a 4 year old. During this time, every obstacle that I encountered my boys were with me. Every tear I shed Gage was there to make me smile and Micah was there to remind me I had to stay strong that he needed me to. Though Micah was in my belly for most of the year of 2015, he always let me know he was there in the moments I needed strength. Even if it was a kick, a wiggle, roll, or a sharp pain I was constantly reminded “Keep Going Momma”. Gage never let me just sit on the couch or lay in bed. I thank him for that. He kept me smiling on days that I felt the world was falling apart. August 31, 2016 Micah was born at 3:08 p.m. I was so happy he was finally here. Those 39 weeks and 4 days were the longest weeks of my life and the hardest. But we did it. I survived and got through what I felt was the most awful time of my life because of heartache. When Micah came home and weeks went by I had to go back to work, it was hard. Sleepless nights, working, making sure bottles were washed, clothes were done, bellies were full and bills were paid all on my own. I never thought I would manage it, but I did. We struggled, but our little family we made it. Things in our world were hectic, confusing, and tough. I prayed to see the light in things I couldn’t and prayed that God would guide us in the direction need be to protect my family. After Micah’s death, my world just got darker and things began to get harder. I couldn’t wrap my head around why this was happening. I was so depressed and didn’t want to wake up. I wanted this to be a nightmare. I searched for reasons, answers, and looked in every aspect wondering why this happened to my son. I wanted to give up each day and every day I felt myself turning away from God and blaming him. One day I just couldn’t take this anymore these feelings were terrifying me, this storm was surrounding me into a corner and I couldn’t find my way through. I reached out to my doctor who guided my pregnancy and nurse that held my hand as I pushed to deliver Micah. I told them how I felt and how angry I was. They both said something to me that I believe now that the devil was trying to keep me from seeing God’s power. “Olivia God did NOT take your baby”, God doesn’t take children and he doesn’t make things like this happen for a reason, God didn’t need another angel he has plenty. Micah died from SIDS we don’t know why and he told me to stop blaming myself and to remember what the devil does! He said to me “Remember that Jesus once was a baby and he suffered a huge sacrifice for us he died for our sins and he is now a beautiful angel that guides guards and protects us! Think for a second, Your son is an Angel sitting with God this very moment. I just broke and began begging God for forgiveness!!!! I believe with all my heart I laid Micah down the way God intended. God intended on Micah waking up and it was something that just happened no answer no reason. I believe that God did save my baby. He gave him 7 minutes back on earth. He seen Micah wasn’t my baby anymore, he wasn’t our Micah Roo, he had be gone to long and God saved him AGAIN from being sick on this earth. He saved me from having to choose when he died. God didn’t take Micah for a reason, it wasn’t his time, Micah died and went home to heaven because He couldn’t do the big things he was supposed to if he would’ve stayed, he would’ve been on a machine. From that day forward, I have felt something inside me that I never have before. A strength that is so overpowering, a voice that is so loud in my head some days I can’t think straight, a light that is so bright I can’t see anything in front of me. I know it’s him. It’s my Roo and he’s guiding me into something that he was brought here to do but couldn’t. He has brought me to my faith and at days it makes me cry, it makes me weak, it makes me question my choices, but at the end of the day when I lay down at night I feel peaceful because I gave the day all I had. Tomorrow I get the chance to do it again. I chose to walk out of the darkness, I chose to walk into the storm and fight it. I leave my wound open and help others so they can feel what I feel so they can see this doesn’t have to happen to them. I still cry for my son, I talk to him, I ache and scream. God I miss my son so much. One thing that is though, I have 2 sons not 1 I have 2!!! I can’t let the devil over power myself and my child still here. I won’t let him. God has led me down a path that I’m not sure where he’s taking me but my days aren’t so dull, the sun is warm, the grass is green, flowers have color, and clouds have meaning. I can see what God was doing to me. The Devil tried to break me but I won. I got through it, yes with counseling, friends, and family but it was possible. You have a choice you can choose to feel the sun, or you can choose to feel the storm. This morning, I saw a a beautiful Red bird. It sat in my bird feeder so still, he flew to the ground with the grass around him so green and bright. The world got still for a moment. I drank my coffee and smiled because I know in that moment it was my Micah Roo reminding me to be still, to slow down, to keep my peace, and let God. This journey, this story is only the beginning and I know there will be plenty more red birds to come.