Truth Is, You're Still Dreaming
by
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She’s looking at me; her stare is streaked with enough hurt and confusion that it makes it hard for me to look her in the eye. She turns back to the muted television.
I start now saying "I keep telling you that there isn't anything wrong happening to me mom. I'm even taking those stupid A.D.D. pills like you want me to that make me want to vomit every time that I—"
"But that’s the thing!" She glares at me now. "I know you haven't been taking them! Or at least not like you're supposed to. All you do is sleep! Every. Day. You don’t eat. We barely talk. When I hug you, you don’t hug me back, we play games but even that doesn’t open you up, and on top of it all you're shouting to your father in your sleep? How are you okay?! How can you stand there and lie to me?"
“Mom I…”
She turns off the TV, still staring at the fizzling black of the screen.
I just want you to be happy again….I'm scared for you….You haven't been yourself to me lately."
I look around the room until I fix my sight on her lamp, not wanting to maintain anymore eye contact. Even if that hurts her.
Sighing, mom says "Look, I know that this is all very sudden and it probably doesn't fit into what you had planned for the rest of the summer but I've decided to put you into therapy."
"What?" I say.
"I'm not arguing about this."
"But I ju—"
"And what's more, I know you think this is punishment, but it's not. It's help. Son I love you. I love you more than anything on this planet, more than anything that I've ever done in my life, you're the crowning achievement of all that I am and…. Listen to me….you're going. That’s final."
I take a step back from out of the doorway. She turns back on the TV but the volume is still muted so the subtitles are still active.
"The appointment is in two days. He's a specialist with teens and his name is Max Deitrichson." Her voice perks up at the end as if I'm supposed to care about his name or something. "I've only spoken to him a couple of times on the phone, but he seems like a very nice guy—very wordy, sort of like one of the characters in your books." She turns her head to look at me now. I'd been staring at her talk the entire time but when we lock eyes I look at the floor and my feet again.
She exhales a bit loudly.
"You'll do three sessions, alone mind you, and at the end of those we'll see how things are then. Kiddo this is even confidential between you and him for the most part so even I won’t know everything that goes on in there unless you…"
I stop listening.
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About the Book
Let's face it, being a teenager is hard.
High school is depressing, your mother's overbearing, the only friend you have in your new school doesn't have any time for you, and your therapist won’t get off your back.
Oh, and yeah, you might have narcolepsy.
Great start to your sophomore year, right?
Fifteen-year-old Daniel wants to leave the past alone, but his inner demons keep him up at night. When they’re not keeping him up, though, he is dead asleep in all his classes and dreaming. Wild dreams. Fantastic even! Are they nonsense? Are they memories? He’ll have to stop running from them to find out.
Truth Is, You’re Still Dreaming is a novel for young adults about that time in one’s life where being a grown up seems both imminent and a lifetime away.
About the Author
Currently in a master’s program, Matthew Williams is a clinical mental health counseling student from New Jersey. A recent Rider University graduate, he is an advocate for those with differences – a topic that, because of the lack of knowledge and empathy for those who have them, had a great impact on the writing of this piece. A lot of what goes on in the narrative of the novel comes from his work with young adults through field work in the therapeutic community.