SAVING THE LEADER WITHIN

        This is how it all began for me. It is a gray and cold day, but I don't care because I am with my mother, father, and younger sister in the back seat of the car. My mother gives me an orange, but I am too excited about the ride in my father's car to eat it. I hhear my parents speaking in hushed tones about something that is causing my mother to cry and I sense it is about me. I stop for only a moment to wonder if it has anything to do with my cold. I quickly say, "Look mommy I'm eating my orange." I cough as quietly as possible so not to disturb by parents in the front seat of the car. In writing this passage I suddenly noticed how my thinking process and tone revert to that of a young girl. The car comes to a sudden stop, and little did I know my world was about to change forever. My dad turns to my father and asks if she wants to take me inside, I saw her head shaking no and she continues to cry softly. Something tells me I am in trouble and so I tell them both that I am ok and that I will eat my orange like a good girl. At the time I was unaware that I was infected with tuberculosis.

        Watching the nonverbal drama unfold between my parents was how I began to be observant of more thatn verbal cues. I would experience many later traumas in life behind a curtain of silence. The memory of this day is so vivid it is like yesterday. As I look back in my mind's eye, it appears as though everything was happening in slow motion - starting when I left the safety of the car, and looked back to see my mother and sister waving goodbye to me. Seeing the look on their faces frightened me most of all. My mother's sad face spoke to the loudest - I knew semething was going to happen.