Out of the Darkness

Carl's friends weren't exempt from being included in his jealous, delusional scenarios. We were driving around and passed by Carl's friend's house and saw his friend standing in the driveway. Carl pulled in and we got out of the car. Carl introduced me to his friend Bobby and we spent an hour or so talking. As we were leaving, Bobby said to us, “Stop by anytime.” He then turned to me and jokingly said, “But you can stop by anytime you want, even without Carl.” When we got back in the car, Carl wanted to know what Bobby meant by his remark. I told him that Bobby was joking. Carl gave me one of those “I don't believe you” looks. Then for months afterwards, Carl believed something was going on between me and Bobby and would make nasty comments to me. He didn't care that I didn't know Bobby until he introduced me to him; although, I'm sure at that point he believed we already knew each other. No matter where I was or what I did, Carl always believed I was unfaithful. I was house sitting my sister and brother-in-law's house while they were away for a few days. I was also keeping an eye on my teenage nephew. I wanted to have a nice romantic meal with Carl so I set the table, lit candles and put dinner in the oven. Carl came over and he, of course, had to check out the house to make sure no one was hiding anywhere. He looked at my sister's bed, which was made, and told me it looked like it had knee impressions on it, as if I had sex with someone. I didn't see anything resembling that at all. They have cats, so it could have been an impression of the cat walking across the bed. Who knows? So, instead of having a nice dinner, I ended up crying the entire time while he again accused me of something which never happened. Luckily, my nephew had already eaten and was out riding his quad with his friends. When my girlfriends would ask me to go out with them, Carl would accuse me of really meeting up with a guy instead and my friends covering for me. That's if I didn't get the third degree because I wanted to spend time with my girlfriends instead of with him. He also would make sure to call my girlfriend's house every time with some stupid question, to make sure I was there. I figured when he called, it showed I was really where I said I was going to be. I thought it would show him he could trust me. Unfortunately, it didn't help at all. When he accused me of being out with someone else, I would get angry with him for not believing me. He told me I shouldn't get upset if it wasn't true. Wouldn't you be upset if someone was accusing you of something you weren't doing? He would then tell me how sorry he was, he didn't mean to say those things, and it would never happen again. Is any of this sounding familiar? I began making excuses when my friends wanted to get together. It was easier to do than ask Carl if it was okay if I went and have him get mad and start an argument. I'm amazed at the fact that I felt the need to ask his permission to visit with my friends! I would get a cold feeling in the pit of my stomach when my friends would ask me out and I'd be so relieved if I already had other plans. My friends are so important to me and I can't believe I passed up so many opportunities to spend time with them. I was out with three of my girlfriends on a Saturday afternoon shooting pool at a local bowling alley/pool hall. One of my friends went out to the car to get her cigarettes. When she stepped outside, she saw Carl sitting in his car. He saw her looking at him and he quickly drove off. I never told his family about what was happening in our relationship over the years. I only spoke of it to my sisters, sister-in-law, and a couple of close friends and even then I didn't tell them the whole truth. Too many things happened that were so outrageous and uncalled for and I was too embarrassed to admit that I allowed those things to happen. Plus, they would have gotten mad at Carl for his behavior and would have pressured me to leave him. I know now I should have spoken up and told his family about at least some of what was happening and been more open with my family and friends.