Surviving Grief by God's Grace
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When Laura’s ultrasound test revealed a baby boy, choosing his name became a problem. Before we agreed on a one, I referred to him as "The Big Guy." In fact, I called him that even after he was born.
Throughout Laura’s pregnancy I talked to the baby on a daily basis. We heard that playing music or talking to an unborn child has a positive influence on their life. When I came home from work I would lean down to Laura’s stomach and say: "Hey, big guy, how are you doing?" When I was out of town on business, Laura put the phone to her stomach so I could talk to the baby. I made a point to do this every day as we eagerly awaited his arrival. Sometimes he even moved or kicked in response to my voice!
John William was born on June 10, 1997. It was the happiest day of our lives. Finally, at age 45, I had my first child. My love, hopes, and dreams for his future were infinite.
Due to a breathing problem following his birth, the nurses whisked John away to an alcove in the labor and delivery room. As soon as possible, I hurried to his crib for my first extended look. He lay on his back in the cold, sterile hospital bed. His eyes remained closed because of the bright lights, glaring down on him. I stood beside his crib and said, "Hey, big guy, how are your doing?" I put my finger beside his clenched fist. To my surprise, he grabbed my finger and strained to open his eyes. The bright lights forced him to squint, but he continued to hold my hand. It was clear he had recognized my voice!
Words cannot describe my joy and the immediate bonding that took place between us in that small room. It was the happiest moment of my life. I felt so blessed. Laura sacrificed everything to take care of him. She used her experience as a teacher to make every moment a learning opportunity. She protected him so well that he never once became sick. One time I came home from a business trip with the flu. Laura took John to my parent’s home for two days until my fever broke. Before she brought him home, she disinfected everything in the house. Finally, when they returned, she made me wear a surgical mask in case I was still contagious. Every new parent feels that his or her child is special. Naturally, John was incredibly precious to us. He was the first male child to bear my family’s name in twenty-eight years, and he was also my parent’s first grandchild. He was even-tempered and never cried except to communicate. He was friendly to everyone and rarely became upset. In public, he never fussed.
He was a bright happy child, and he gave love and received it from everyone. We could not have asked for a more loving child. Surprisingly, many of our family and friends adopted "The Big Guy" as John’s nickname, and he responded to it as naturally as he did John. Laura and I felt we had everything we wanted in life: a good relationship with the Lord, a loving marriage, a wonderful child, a successful career, a supportive church, great families, and exceptional friends. We had it all until-- A raw cold wind blew through town and our home one Sunday morning. It was March 8, 1998, and in the blink of an eye, our perfect world shattered. "The Big Guy" was gone and nothing we could do would ever bring him back. Things that interested us or seemed important meant nothing now. Our faith, our family, and our friends came to our rescue and kept us from crumbling. Our views about life and death drastically changed the day our nine-month-old son died.
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About the Book
There is no greater loss in this world than the loss of one’s child. This book is the first person account of the author’s loss of his first and then only child. It is a story of the grief, spiritual quest and grace that helped Richard and his family survive, and to live with hope for the future. It is the story of the love that the author has for the son he lost, and the love that God has for us. It is the story of the impact that John had on his parents, people who knew him, and those in the future who will never know him personally. The foreword is by the pastor of the author’s church, and validates the uses of scripture. The author shares twelve lessons learned from his tragic loss, which are hoped to comfort those who suffer the loss of a loved one, and to honor God. There are forty-six scriptural references that are used in the text, and listed separately in an addendum for on-going reference. There is a second addendum, which shares a letter that Richard had written to his then unborn son. It shares the lessons of life that he wanted his son to learn in case he died before having the chance to teach them to him directly. Finally, there is an epilogue that tells of the joy Richard and Laura experienced with the pregnancy and birth of their second child.
About the Author
Richard Battle is in sales management with KeyTrak, and has twenty-eight years experience in various business entities. He is actively involved with the Westoak Woods Baptist Church in Austin, Texas. He is an adult Sunday school teacher and serves on the Finance Committee and Church Building Committee. Richard has previously authored, The Volunteer Handbook – How to organize and manage a successful organization. He has served on the board of many organizations. They include The Capitol Area Council of the Boy Scouts of America, Muscular Dystrophy, and Keep Austin Beautiful. As president of the Austin Jaycees (83-84), the chapter was recognized as the Most Outstanding chapter in the United States, and Jaycees International recognized Richard as the Outstanding Chapter President in the world. Richard has been a public speaker and trainer for over twenty years on topics including voluntarism, leadership and motivation. Richard, his wife Laura, and new daughter Elizabeth live in Austin, Texas.