The Passion and the Glory

The presence of Jesus is as intertwined with my soul as my breath is to me, or the sea is to the fish that live in it. I expressed how I felt about Him to Shri Ramamurti, and he replied that my intuitive feelings were correct and that this was a true fact, but not only from the time of my actual birth, but from the very beginnings of time. . . This helped me to understand a little, the intense longing that I always had for Jesus and how the drive to satisfy it with other things, moved my life beyond my own control. I didn t understand this longing early in my life and it drove me, out of frustration, to a life of debauchery and disarray.

The allegory of what the ocean is to a fish that I used to explain my feelings to Shri Ramamurti is one that I use often because it explains perfectly my lack of, when Jesus is not part of my life; it is accurate and also very natural for me as I live on the shores of the Sea of Galilee, where there s lot of fishing. But it is as accurate for many other lost souls. I know that I am not the first, not the last to suffer from this longing, many others are being driven by it right now, who do not yet understand what drives them, or where this urge comes from, neither are they capable of quenching its needs with anything. These have not yet understood that they are out of their element and are striving to get back to it, just as I was, like a fish out of water. And what does a fish out of water do, if it is not dead yet, but to try with every move he makes to go back to the ocean. Similarly, we have gotten lost from the place of total perfection where we came from and we cannot find it anywhere, for we are looking in all the wrong places. . . This longing is stamped in our soul and until we find ourselves immersed in that ocean of Love, we won t be satisfied with anything, just like a fish wouldn t until it finds the ocean.

The turn of the Great Cycle of Life, the Time of Times is here. This is the era of greatest darkness in human history, when the power of the spirit of the adversary of the Christ is meant to reign supreme on earth. Yes, this is the time when the powers of darkness that possessed me two thousand years ago, are going to try to possess mankind; many of you have already fallen prey to it; do not scoff at these words, for these powers are real and very active within and without you. I am an expert on these forces, because I suffered from being subjected to them for more than half of my life. I know what I am talking about and it is not a light matter.

This is the reason why after two thousand years of silence I decided to tell my story, just as it happened, with all of its darkness, and all of His Light, to help bring those who have fallen and are in darkness a ray of hope, to remind them with my story that there is hope for anyone, no matter how dark may be the place where they have fallen. When I lived in darkness, many times I was in deep despair because I felt that there was nothing that could quench my needs, no hope, and no cure for me. Those feelings are nothing but phantoms of a lie, which makes us feel despair and hopelessness, they are nothing but the voice of the liar in us who devours our souls.

I want to tell all that was kept secret about my life, bring to light the hidden story of the mystery woman, Mary of Magdala, the sinner who had given herself totally to a life of pleasure and who, some said was possessed by seven demons, the woman who was passionately in love with Jesus the Christ and was redeemed by His Love. I want to tell my story, because the Christ is not a legend, neither His Love, nor myself. I was very human, very real, so was He who manifested the miracle of His Love in my healing, the enlightenment of my mind and my redemption, all of which is available to all who come to Him. He has no favorites, no enemies. He is inclined and attracted to love because He is Love Itself, so He is closer to those who love with all their mind, their heart and their soul. Christ is part of us; He dwells in each and everyone s heart as the Supreme Soul, so He knows all of our hearts, not our outside personality, or our apparent good or bad deeds.

After Jesus transformed me, I was considered a Saint. A harlot transformed into a saint! Such a thing is almost impossible for the human mind to conceive. But what is impossible for Him Who Is the essence of Life?

What is a Saint? Is it someone who has lived a perfect life without sin, is righteous, and better than any other person is?

What Jesus taught us is that a saint is someone, who in spite of having fallen into darkness, has a heart open to love and an ardent desire to know God, so God who sees our hearts, in His Mercy forgives us and takes into consideration what He Knows is in our heart, and without questions or judgments embraces us and takes us back into Himself. This union with Him is what sanctifies the soul.

It is the existence in total oneness with the living God alive within every human being and the surrender of the self to Love, what transforms a human into a saint.

During the short time of His public life, Jesus showed us continuously that He was the deliverer of all fallen souls. He performed the miracle of redemption when He forgave my sins and transformed my life, when He invited Himself to Mathew s house and changed him and his whole life, and later on, when He was dying on the cross and He invited Dimas - who was condemned to be crucified, a death reserved only for the lowest of criminals - to enter with Him in Paradise that very same day.