The Military Wedding
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Rehearsal Due to time limits allowed for a rehearsal in the military chapel, the purpose of the rehearsal is not to rehearse every word of the ceremony. The purpose of the rehearsal is to practice the special seating of the parents, processional, recessional and other movement during the ceremony, including walking down the aisle at a slow, but natural pace--not a hesitation or choir step. Rehearsal Dinner The groom’s family still is responsible to host the rehearsal dinner as detailed in most wedding planning guides and etiquette books. In addition to the wedding party, family and other special guests, the chaplain or civilian clergyperson and spouse may be included--definitely if the couple knows them well or they are good friends of the family. Ceremony Because of the popularity of many military chapels for military weddings, there may be specific times set for the length of time for your ceremony and photo session. Those times are firm because there may be other couples who also want to use the same chapel. Be sure you are aware of the amount of time you are allowed for set-up and seating guests before the ceremony starts. Some chapels do not have the space for the bride to dress. But, if there is room for the bride to dress, you should arrive at the chapel, with your hair and makeup completed and dressed in everything except your wedding gown. Your honor attendant, bridesmaids, flower girl and family should arrive completely dressed. The limited time and space at the chapel does not allow for everyone to dress after they arrive at the chapel or time for
Consider the length of your ceremony. If you plan to have a Nuptial Mass, which lasts approximately one hour, you may not be able to take formal photographs in the chapel’s sanctuary if you are allowed one hour for your ceremony and photographs. I would not encourage you to forego a Nuptial Mass just to have pictures taken. However, you do need to be aware of the consequences, so that you are not disappointed on your wedding day. If you recognize this, you can prepare to have group photographs taken at another scenic location. Unless the chapel or your officiant imposes strict photography restrictions, you will have photographs of your actual ceremony in the chapel’s sanctuary. Your wedding coordinator will instruct the ushers about seating guests, line up the parents and wedding party, cue the musicians when to begin the music, cue the parents and wedding party when to proceed into the sanctuary and when to exit the chapel. The wedding coordinator also directs the wedding party and family’s movement after the ceremony to complete your formal photo session so you can leave the chapel as quickly as possible to begin enjoying your reception. Ushers and Sabre Bearers The usher’s main duty is to seat the wedding guests. Plan to have at least one usher for every 50 invited guests. Groomsmen may also serve as ushers. Or, you may designate people to serve as ushers, who will not stand with the bride and groom during the ceremony. Guests should never be seated during the scripture, a reading or prayer
The ushers should escort the guests down the outside aisles (reserving the first three pews for family and any very senior officers or commanders). Thus, the guests enter the pews from the outside aisle and proceed to as close to the center aisle as possible, giving them the best view. Seating from the outside aisles also precludes later guests from squeezing past those who are already seated.
If the groom’s (or bride’s) parents cannot attend the wedding, the commander and spouse may be invited to sit in their place. Otherwise, the commander and any very senior officers may be escorted to seats beside or in the pews directly behind the family. For a Catholic or Protestant ceremony, the head usher escorts the bride’s mother to the first pew on the left just before the wedding begins. She is the last person seated. Although seating the bride’s mother is the head usher’s responsibility, the bride may elect to have a brother or other family member to have that honor. Please note that for a Jewish ceremony, both of the groom’s parents escort him and both of the bride’s parents escort her down the aisle and stand with the couple during the ceremony.
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About the Book
As a wedding consultant, who specializes in military weddings, I hear brides, who are trying to plan military weddings, lament about the lack of information available about military weddings. Even if hiring a wedding consultant to plan a military wedding, brides still want to know as much as possible about the planning considerations, traditions and etiquette. Most wedding planning and etiquette books briefly address military weddings, but not to the satisfaction of most military brides.
There are situations that face the bride or groom marrying a military person that a civilian couple doesn’t always have to face. So, this book, The Military Wedding, was written for the civilian bride marrying a military groom. It also addresses the civilian groom marrying a military woman and the military bride and groom. A few paragraphs, as found in most books, won’t answer your questions. Consider this your military wedding planning manual or special operating instruction to supplement your main wedding planning guide.
About the Author
Vanessa L. Baldwin
Ms. Baldwin is a graduate of University of Maryland BaltimoreCounty and Howard University School of Social Work, Washington, DC.
After professional experience as a social caseworker and a social science analyst, Ms. Baldwin was commissioned as an officer in the United States Air Force. Ms. Baldwin retired from the Air Force in 1998.
The Association of Certified Wedding Consultants, Plano, Texas, certified Ms. Baldwin as a wedding consultant in 1997. Then, she established Elegant Beginnings, providing a full range of wedding planning services in the Metropolitan DC and Northern Virginia areas. Ms. Baldwin specializes in, but is not limited to, military weddings.
In 2004, Ms. Baldwin developed the Wedding Coordinator Certificate Program to train wedding planning professionals. Ms. Baldwin began teaching the first series of courses at the Northern Virginia Community College, Woodbridge Campus in the Fall of 2004.
Ms. Baldwin resides in Woodbridge, Virginia.