The Consent Guidebook

As an Inclusive Dating Empowerment Coach, NLP Practitioner, Author, and Speaker for over 10 years, I have coached singles in the realm of boundary-setting, self-improvement, and finding like-minded individuals who have similar relationship goals. Throughout my career, it has become more and more apparent that consent and boundaries can be tricky in the early months of dating when individuals are starting the process of getting to know each other. The more that I explored the topic of consent, it became clear that boundaries were not only being crossed in the dating scene, but also between colleagues, friends, and even family members. We are currently interacting with each other partially based on our unique upbringings and past relationships. We can no longer assume that everyone has learned certain rules around what is considered to be ‘appropriate’ or ‘inappropriate’ behavior. Because there are few structures in place where the majority of individuals can learn the basics when it comes to consent and boundaries, it is of paramount importance that we start learning, teaching, and sharing fundamental ideas to encourage respectful behavior. The conversation around consent is currently in a massive state of evolution. With the fierce momentum of the #MeToo movement throughout 2017, it has become clear that the conversation around consent is in the process of major evolution is being brought to the forefront of social awareness. In some cases, there is confusion as to what is and what isn’t sexual harassment. For the first time in modern history, society as a whole has expressed outrage at what has been uncovered in regard to boundary-crossing, sexual harassment, and sexual assault. We are entering an era where society is collectively saying that it’s no longer ok to turn a blind eye when it comes to boundary-pushing and boundary-crossing and we are collectively calling for change. Within this emerging environment, people are becoming less and less afraid of speaking up about violations. Because consent has not been a topic that our society has had an open and honest discussion about in the past, we are currently finding our footing with these issues. More insightful questions are being asked around consent and how to interpret verbal and non-verbal cues in variety of social interactions. While consent and boundaries may be discussed differently in various communities and subcultures, it’s clear that there is a vital need for more consent-based education overall. I believe that, generally speaking, there is a learning curve when it comes to consent and boundaries, meaning that respecting boundaries can also be learned and taught. At this moment, new societal norms are being created in regard to interacting with each other, establishing our own boundaries, and respecting the boundaries of others. This Movement is bigger than any one expert. To offer a variety of perspectives, I invited Sex Educators, Health Professionals, HR Managers, Civil Rights Leaders, and Thought-Leaders to contribute consent advice, stories, and ‘aha’ moments to this book to offer a variety of perspectives. You will see their advice sprinkled throughout this book. The intention of this book is to contribute to current productive conversations around consent and to provide a practical, easy-to-follow framework that encourages improved education in regards to establishing boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others. It takes all of us together to unlearn old non-consensual behaviors and find solutions that will lead to more consensual, respectful, and enjoyable interpersonal interactions, and ultimately lead to the betterment of society.