The Things I Learned After Being Kicked Out of Church

The morning of Monday, May 21, 2001, is permanently etched in my memory. Our youngest son, Isaiah, was anxious to share with me a dream he had before awakening. He dreamed of the song “Light the Fire Again” and how he felt free and clean again. Slightly puzzled, I agreed that it was a good thing and that I was happy for him. He went on to explain that the first part of the dream had not been good. I asked him what it had been about. He then began to tell me of the explicit sexual nature of the first part of his dream. My concern and confusion rapidly increased. How could my sheltered, homeschooled, 10-year-old son know of the things he was describing? I told Isaiah that I was really sorry that he had such a disturbing dream; I didn't know what it could mean. That's when he told me he had been sexually molested four years earlier at the age of six by Mary the teenage daughter of a fellow church staff member.

Later that afternoon, Isaiah requested to stay in his room while we called the rest of the family together to share what Isaiah had told us. They also felt overwhelmed with shock, anger and pain. Yet we were so proud of the love and support that all of our children expressed towards Isaiah. We were all in this together. We explained as best we could what our family could expect in the coming weeks.

We were members of a Charismatic Community Church (CCC) pastored by five couples. We had been in relationship with Sam and Cindy Peters, the senior pastoral couple, for fifteen years. Richard and I had both been serving on staff one and a half years.

The next morning, Richard met with Pastor Mark to let him know what our son had revealed to us. Mark's first response was “Why did you let it happen?” followed by “Thank goodness it didn't happen on church property!” and “Don't report it. The police investigation may lead to your children being removed from your home.” Richard let Mark know that covering it up was not an option, but because of the relationship we had shared with Mary's parents, we did plan on telling them before going to the police. Mark agreed to be with us that afternoon as we informed Mary's mother and stepfather of the molestation of our son by their daughter.

Pastor Mark and a marriage and family counselor were with us that afternoon when we told the young lady's parents of the molestation. Mary's mother, Madeline, and I cried together with true sorrow. The stepfather, John, appeared angry, cold and distant to the counselor, Richard, and me. (We found out later that Mark did not share this viewpoint.) Later that afternoon, Mark called and apologized for his initial reaction to out the traumatic events our family was undergoing. He stated that his wife's reaction to the news caused him to reevaluate his initial response.

Wednesday morning, May 23, we filed a police report at the local Sheriff's Station. We immediately felt the support and concern of the law enforcement personnel and the DA's office. Unfortunately, in the weeks to follow we would feel more “pastoral care” from the civil authorities than from our church leadership.