The immediate result of the incident with Nan which I have just related was the realization that I was punishing the child for the parents’ failure. I had failed Juanita from our high school days__failed in courage, in honesty, in faithfulness and in love. Now I was failing again__failing in judgment certainly, but most of all failing to lift up a standard by which we could judge what is courageous and honest and faithful and loving__in a word, what is of real value__a standard to which we could rally with confidence that it would stand firm and not be broken by the storms and the conflicts that frighten and sway us.
I now could see that such a standard had been lifted in the cross of Christ. The price it cost testifies to the value of that standard, and at last my eyes were opened to an inkling of the terrible price it had cost by the suffering of Nan.
From that hour I was a changed man: I was a Christian. I understood what Christ had accomplished. The words that I had heard and read again and again through childhood and adolescence, in Sunday school and church and at home, from parents and teachers and books, and all the influences overt and subtle of a Christian culture and background, at last I understood.
The Bible is a closed book to one who has not received the light that shone on Saul of Tarsus on the road to Damascus; and by this I do not mean that in order to receive the Christian message one must undergo all that Paul experienced, or that others have experienced whose conversions stand out for their especially dramatic qualities. What I mean is that one cannot understand the Bible without the light of faith. And by the light of faith I do not mean the blindness of naïve credulity, either: I mean the insight gained from the open-minded and open-hearted willingness to commit oneself (not the other but the self ) to the operation and illumination of the unknown God.
Just as the scientist gains understanding of the objective world by submitting its objects to his operation and the illumination of his intellect, so in the subjective world of spirit insight is gained only by submission of the subject (that is, oneself ) to the exper-iment of determining the laws and truths of the spirit. Thus the role of the subjective scientist is exactly the reverse of the role of the objective scientist, and the reason why spiritual insight is losing the race with “scientific” knowledge today is simply because all of us would rather experiment than be experimented on. If we do not relish the role of executioner, no one is willing to exchange places with the executed__no one, that is, except Christ. Well, and who is Christ? Where is he? Can we find him? Is he coming back?
Let us ask him: