Mental Abyss

Introduction

The Mental Abyss wasn’t conceived on purpose, but rather on the essence of survival. I had fallen deeply into depression. It was the most compassionless and terrifying situation I had ever faced. There didn’t appear to be any viable solutions to my dilemma and I gave up all hope for continued existence--I wanted to die.

I had no belief in myself or in any treatment or medication because everything I tried failed miserably--nothing worked to relieve my torment. Each day I felt increasingly worthless, less needed, and more determined to end my misery and my life, and I tried several times. I confirmed my existing state of disparagement by unsuccessfully terminating my own suffering. Both life and death confounded me.

Doctors, relatives, and friends did not understand how or why I came to and continued in such a severe depression. None of them had personally experienced the futile depth of a mental abyss. Even the professionals had only read about and observed the impact of depression but none who treated me had really felt the pain, desperation, and helplessness that devours and overwhelms a severely depressed person.

I did meet and exchange thoughts, feelings, experiences, and ideas with many people who shared and understood my depression during group counseling sessions. It was immediately apparent when a person was in a mental abyss. Their pessimistic attitude, slouching posture, diminished self-esteem, loss of hope, faltering desire to continue, and fear of prolonged misery all combined to hold them in the deepest, darkest place they had ever been--their life.

This book is an account of my fall, suffering, treatment, and eventual rise from a mental abyss. I created quotes to set the tone for each chapter heading. The sections flow according to the evolutionary process of depression, which is characteristic for many people. Please read the book at your leisure without having to get to a certain place. Wherever you stop will be a comfortable resting point for that moment.

I didn’t edit any of the desperation or horrifying inner feelings that I know those who are now suffering and searching for ways to free themselves from can connect with and grasp to pull their way to the light and independence associated with inner peace, personal reconciliation, and an emergence from the mental abyss.

There is something, somewhere in the book useful to you in turning your thoughts and beliefs about yourself into ideas for your survival. There are also observations that are helpful for those who must deal with a depressed person, the caregivers.

To some degree, the caregivers must also venture, or at least have a look into our abyss, and this can be a frightening and distressing experience for them as well.

I wish you all positive feelings and some enlightenment about depression during and after your reading of the Mental Abyss. I also strongly encourage those of you who are or may think you are experiencing depression, to seek a professional medical evaluation and secure assistance if you already haven’t done so.

It’s true that we must ultimately pull ourselves out of a mental abyss, but it sure helps to have some assistance from others in getting us the lifeline to use in our climb to freedom.