Helvetia, The Voyage of 100 Days

Day 14, Wednesday, October 9th – Oktoberfest Still dressed in a ravishing green silk Dirndl, Judi arrived first. Gräfin von Lemke waved to her to join her and the Graf. ‘My dear, you look superb. On your feet most of the day, as well. Come and sit down. Is Mister Baines on the way?’ ‘I have no idea,’ said Judi. ‘I imagine Miss Mackenzie called him.’ At that moment Baines appeared in the doorway to the lounge. This time von Lemke rose quickly to his feet and hurried over. ‘Mister Baines, I am extremely grateful for your contribution today. Please, join us.’ The two men sat down. Drinks were discussed and ordered. Then: ‘How do you think the filming went today?’ von Lemke asked. Baines blushed slightly. ‘I think we have some good film in the can,’ he ventured modestly. ‘All the events were a great success. A tribute to your organisation.’ ‘Not mine!’ Von Lemke hurried to correct him. ‘My wife, the Gräfin, must take all the credit for that. “The Graf proposes, the Gräfin disposes”.’ He turned to Judi. ‘May I ask where you learned German? You’re clearly a native speaker, but a native where?’ Judi pulled a face. ‘Namibia.’ she replied. ‘Oufff! Then you have my every sympathy.’ He looked at Baines. ‘You understand?’ ‘Miss Peake enlightened me.’ ‘Yes. A country living in the Third Reich era still, with a deep rooted racist sentiment among the white German descendants.’ Baines recalled Judi’s description, on the Coral Star. “Not only will they not eat in the same room as a black, they teach very young children to say by heart: Mit Affen essen wir nicht. You can imagine that it isn’t far from we don’t eat with monkeys to racial hatred and violence.” ‘And you, my dear, were superb, a sterling performance. One would think you had been compèring all your life!’ ‘If she was wearing that Dirndl,’ said Baines looked at Judi’s clinging green dress, ‘it would be a toss up between “Clothes maketh the girl”, and “The girl presents the dress”.’ Judi grinned, and took his hand. ‘He always talks piffle like that,’ she said airily. ‘Ignore him. I do. All the time.’ ‘Treat mean, keep keen.’ murmured Baines. ‘She’s an expert.’ ‘Stop it, you two!’ Von Lemke was laughing. ‘I’ve heard all about your ripples.’ ‘Ah, the Captain. Yes. Graf von Lemke, did he not also tell you that everything one hears on a cruise is invariably totally wrong, and that the truth is the one absolute which no-one dares to pronounce?’ ‘Namibia, again? You speak as well as you play the violin.’ ‘Agreed,’ said Baines feigning sadness. ‘She is the champagne to my cheap Prosecco.’ The Graf and Gräfin laughed. ‘Zürcher was right about you two!’ Von Lemke was impressed. ‘Actually, he mentioned that you are planning an on-board marriage. I hope you don’t mind that he told us?’ Two head shakes. ‘That’s all right then, because my wife wanted to make a suggestion about that…’ Baines looked at Judi. Judi looked at Baines. Then both looked questioningly at Gräfin von Lemke. ‘I hope this won’t come amiss…’ She looked embarrassed and was blushing. ‘We were wondering whether you would accept a wedding present from us? I know it must sound odd, as we hardly know you. And yet we feel we do. You’re extraordinary, if I can put it like that. You’re not offended, I hope?’ she hastened on. ‘On the contrary,’ Baines assured them. Unexpectedly, Judi reached across and shook Graf von Lemke’s hand with a sincerity rarely exhibited, then turned to the Gräfin. Her voice was husky with emotion. ‘Please go on.’ ‘Well, you may not know it, but Zürcher alerted us to it. You… how shall I put this… you exude a perfect harmony. It hypnotises your audience. Literally.’ ‘The first requirement of a musician is playing in tune.’ remarked Baines, with a smile. ‘Please, this is no reflection on your perfect musicianship together.’ Graf von Lemke hurried to say. ‘My wife was, however, referring to your… ah… exchanges.’ Baines turned to Judi in mock reproach. ‘Now look what you’ve done! You’re hypnotic. What they’re saying is you’re the musician, I’m just the page turner…’ He turned to the Gräfin. ‘It must be the perfume I buy her, they only make one flacon a year. Ruinously expensive.’ ‘You must forgive him.’ interjected Judi apologetically. ‘He had a very primitive education.’ She turned to Baines with a maternal manner. ‘Tell them about your first music lesson, pet, when you were eleven, at Euterpe School.’ Baines shuddered at the “pet”. Then, looking at the von Lemkes, Judi continued unabated. ‘Euterpe was the Muse of Music.’ she informed them. ‘It was a time-warp cosmic black hole.’ said Baines. ‘No-one ever spoke normally. Everything was in code. At my first music lesson we learned Delta Romeo Mike.’ The von Lemkes looked baffled. ‘Do-Re-Mi.’ Judi explained. ‘Heaven knows how he got to Grade 8 piano and higher. A mystery.’ The von Lemkes were laughing. ‘About this wedding…’ The Gräfin tried to return to the query. ‘And this wedding present…’ ‘We’d be honoured.’ Judi spoke for both of them. ‘So far, though, we have no wedding guests. None at all.’ She looked mischievous. ‘It’s a bit like the absent audience whenever he plays in the “Zermatt”.’ Baines ignored her. ‘Would it be presumptuous to invite you both? As the only two wedding guests?’ Von Lemke replied very firmly, extending his hand to shake Baines’ hand. ‘It would not. Be presumptuous, I mean. It would be an honour.’ He wiped a moist eye. ‘We have no children…’ He left it at that, then: ‘You two are unique. You know what Zürcher said about your wedding? He said: “It’s the only launching ceremony of a new ship that I’ve ever looked forward to.” I… we entirely share that sentiment.’ Judi stepped in, her twirling South African accent much in evidence, revealing her emotion. ‘We truly would be honoured.’ She turned to Baines. ‘And I promise not to borrow a Dirndl for my wedding dress.’ ‘Ah.’ Baines sighed in disappointment. ‘And I was really looking forward to grappling with that zip, again.’ He shook his head. ‘She’s just wayward.’ ‘Surely,’ intervened Gräfin von Lemke, ‘you can’t be like this all the time? You must get irritable sometimes? Are you never fractious?’ ‘I don’t do PMT.’ said Judi virtuously. ‘And he can’t even spell the word. A very primitive education, as I told you.’ ‘She’s right.’ Baines announced sadly. ‘I can manage the ending: Oscar Uniform Sierra. But as to the rest… Is it like Alpha Mike Oscar Romeo?’ he added hopefully. Judi leaned across and kissed him. Then, turning to the von Lemkes: ‘My Prince is ever amorous. I’m a bitch. Does that answer your question?’ The evening progressed in amicable pleasantries, until Baines and Judi were about to depart, and von Lemke said: ‘I understand you are joining my train, for the Trans-Australian transit from Sydney to Perth. I also. I am delighted, and not just for the music. I look forward to spending a good deal of time with you; we shall have a lot to talk about.’ Only when the cabin door was closed behind them did Judi’s curiosity bubble over. ‘Did you hear what I thought I heard. “My train”? You don’t think…?’ ‘Yes,’ said Baines taking her into his arms. ‘I do. And I’m intrigued by “a lot to talk about”.’ He held her at arm’s length. ‘You’ve been wearing that dress for hours. I really think you ought to take it off, Princess.’ ‘I’ll need your help. The zip is a beast.’ Baines lowered the zip in one smooth movement. ‘What help can I offer you now?’ ‘Turn out the light,’ she murmured, ‘and I’ll show you’.