Living With Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Introduction
(Advent 2003)

Isaiah 40:31

“but those who wait for the Lord
shall renew their strength, they shall
mount up with wings like eagles,
they shall run and not be weary,
they shall walk and not faint.”

It was not until recently that I became aware that a person could be diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and not have that person walk them through what PTSD meant. How it can work in a person’s head and where some of the more difficult twists can lie.

This experience made me ever more grateful to the person who walked (on a number of occasions) with me. Knowing someone with a similar experience was helpful. This truth resurfaced when I was on the other end and explained to a fellow pilgrim who had recently been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder what had been explained to me. They told me it was helpful and thus I was led to write these words.

The root of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is fear that then can cause someone to question his or her own perception of reality. It occurs in a person’s life when an experience was simply too much (too traumatic) for a person to process all at one time. In this way, a person protects oneself psychologically the best they can. Protecting one’s own identity is an indication of a strong spirit that refuses to be crushed by the weight of one’s experience.

At the same time, it also means that a person with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder carries fear. Fear is a natural human emotion that can be a very helpful gift from God. In some cases, it can lead a person away from dangerous situations and lead a person to self-preservation.

However, fear functions in a different ways for a person with PTSD. Since a person with PTSD carries fear then fear can be experienced in situations and at times when it doesn’t make sense. When it does not seem appropriate for what a person is experiencing in the moment. In other situations, when fear is a normal response to outside circumstances a person with PTSD can experience the initial (normal) sensation which can be followed by a back-up layer. Together this can be difficult and again it can get a person to question their own perception of reality because a person might feel that they are over-reacting. Thus a person can start believing there is something “wrong” with them.

In both cases, it is important for the person with PTSD to remind oneself that there is nothing wrong with them. They are simply experiencing reality in a way that is NORMAL for a person who lives life with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I have learned that talking with another or simply thinking or writing can be very helpful in sorting out why I felt the way I felt. At the same time, it must be said, that I can’t always determine why I felt the way I felt. If I could, then I wouldn’t have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Those with PTSD carry fear and sometimes it is not possible to identify why latent fear may have surfaced. In these situations, “it is what it is”, is a source of wisdom.

As one can imagine, living with a person with PTSD can be different and at the same time difficult. However, with knowledge comes understanding and with understanding comes healing for all concerned.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder can be very challenging in a number of ways. First, is the function of fear it self. When a person is at a point of growth a person is vulnerable. We see this over and over again when we observe nature.

In this way, growth and vulnerability are natural. Further, it is natural for a person to experience moderate levels of fear when they feel vulnerable. However, for a person with PTSD times of personal growth, which are naturally accompanied by a sense of vulnerability, can also be accompanied by a large (latent) surge of fear.

When in the face of a large surge of fear it is natural for a person to respond with the instinct of fight or flight. A way of responding that, at times, can be a gift from God. However, a surge of fear that does not seem appropriate to a person’s experience. In this way, a person with PTSD can develop a mindset where they do not want to experience surges of fear so they respond by trying to protect oneself with solitude or only participating in “safe” social settings or even attempting to withdraw from times and situations of personal growth.

I have learned that developing clarity in one’s mind during these times has been very helpful. In these situations, clarity has reassured me that I am John and I am okay. Also,

on a few occasions, clarity has allowed me to channel the latent energy into the adventures and challenges of the day. In this way, the channeled energy has proved to be a strong motor and a source of unexpected energy reserve.

Again, this might be unusual for loved ones to be around since points of personal growth can be accompanied by times of increased anxiety within the loved one with PTSD. However, with knowledge comes understanding and with understanding comes healing for all concerned.

Finally, there are times when a person with PTSD can be misdiagnosed with being Paranoid or having Multiple Personalities. While this can be the lot in life that some people live with, it is not a necessary reality for a person with PTSD.

A person with PTSD is not paranoid because paranoia is rooted in groundless fear. This is not true for a person with PTSD for there is a real experience that produced fear that one carries and can surface at different times. Therefore, developing clarity or simply accepting the experience of fear allows the person with PTSD to accept oneself and their own perception of reality.

Living life with multiple personalities is not a necessary reality for a person with PTSD. Family members and close associates might experience it in a similar way to this because to development of clarity or acceptance can function like a “switch” in one’s mind. Where a person can seem distant or anxious or tired and them all of a sudden they are not anymore. This occurs inside one’s head when a person finally sorts out why they