The room was plain and exotic, drab and colorful, at the same time. The only piece of furniture -- real furniture In Fred Hetherington’s opinion -- was the card table across the room, near the corner. There were no chairs. Even the bed on which he had spent the previous night was only a gaudily covered foam rubber mat; though, he had to admit, it had been comfortable. That he hadn’t slept well the previous night was due to other factors.
He looked around. Faces stared down at him from the four-walled posters -- Che, someone named Chavez, Steinem, Laurel and Hardy, the President with a Hitlerian mustache, Fidel, someone else with a beard, and Alfred E. Neuman. The door, itself, was covered with leaflets announcing various OPEN meetings.
For probably the dozenth time that morning -- and it was still early -- he wondered what he was doing there. He looked at his watch, 0945. His plane had left almost two hours earlier. He wasn’t on it. He wasn’t on his way back to Long Duc, wasn’t on his way back to those "defensive" routine patrols over the Mekong Delta, wasn’t on his way back to playing God twice a day -- and three times when someone got sick -- wasn’t on his way to anywhere.
Or was he? He was on his way to a meeting with his own conscience. Hetherington cringed inwardly at the cliché. Also at the timing. He probably should have met his conscience before making his decision not to return. But he hadn’t had time. So now the decision had to be right because he’d already taken the action. Just as the people he killed had to be VC because he’d killed them.
He raised his six-foot frame from the foam mattress, stretched his arms, stood up and walked around. Instead of being cramped into a crowded chartered 707, winging his way across the blue Pacific, he was cramped in a small, windowless room, his wings temporarily clipped.
Fred didn’t know how long he could stay there in the workroom of the Organization for Peace Efforts Now. OPEN? Right now he felt closed in. But he couldn’t stay there for long. Mac had told him as much last night.
"Alfie, old buddy," the former fighter pilot had said, "we’ll be glad to help you out. In fact, this is the best thing you could do. Show them all where your head is. Make your stand. Tell them to shove their war. We’ll work out a statement for the press, later."
Fred had interrupted, "Press? Look, this is a personal decision. I think. I’m still not sure. I need more time to think. Before I go back. But why the press?"
"I repeat. You’ve got to show them, let them know where you stand. Broadcast your feelings to the world. Let the establishment know that you won’t slaughter the peasants any longer because they stand in the way of dollar imperialism. The Movement is behind you. We’ll help you."
Fred felt a twinge of doubt, again. The way Mac had said movement. "You don’t understand, Mac," he had tried to explain. "This isn’t a political decision. I don’t really know about ‘dollar imperialism’ or your Movement. It’s a very personal decision. A moral decision. But I don’t know about the press. I don’t want to embarrass my father."
"Aw, come on, pal." the ex-pilot had laughed, "It’s a bit late for that now. You came to us for advice and for help. We’ve given you the advice and we’ve even offered you a place to stay. Here. The only thing is, you can’t stay very long. Today is Sunday, and no one’s here. Tomorrow, though, we’ll have a lot of workers -- students, ex-GI’s, Farm Labor organizers -- all over the place. Undoubtedly, at least one of them is Fuzz, either local, FBI or Navy Intelligence. We shouldn’t have any problem with your presence for a few days. Only Mickey and I know your real identity. To everyone else, you’ll be just plain Fred.
"Once the word gets out, though, that you’re missing, someone will get suspicious. Your haircut will set you apart from the rest of us. Anyway, welcome to ‘The OPEN House.’ And Peace. Brother, Peace."
That was last night. This morning, someone -- Mickey, he guessed -- had brought him some tacos and coffee for breakfast. It was a new experience. So was Mickey, She was short, demure, her red hair closely cropped; she had worn a tropical green combat jacket with the sleeves chopped off. She had a cute little smile and the foulest mouth he’d ever come across in a female. It was disconcerting. He couldn’t quite picture her as being of the same sex as Gloria. But he didn’t want to think of Gloria now. Or of his father. Or of his fellow Navymen.
He walked over to the table and picked up a copy of Peace Pipeline. The front page had a picture story of some police clubbing a group of protesters. He leafed through it. There were stories about the Farmworkers, about some political prisoners known as "The Sing Sing Six," and about the Palestinian guerrillas. He read the last story with interest and surprise. It was blatantly anti-Israel, with a picture of the swastika superimposed over the Star of David. He wondered if Dan Levin knew about this. Dan, he recalled, had spoken of the growing Peace movement with interest, although he didn’t think Dan had much to do with it. Dan didn’t even know where the OPEN house was when they had discussed it last week.
Dan, he thought, had a lot of theories about Peace, and conscience and justice, but not much experience with the people who claimed it as their sole activity. Although neither did he, until yesterday afternoon when he had wandered into the-nearly deserted two-story converted residence.
The morning had begun with bacon, eggs and a story in the paper reporting Pete Rogers’ death. He had spent the rest of the morning walking around town.
His father, still immersed in grief over the death of his wife, had already left the house. Fred didn’t even know why he had flown home. It had been for his mother’s funeral, of course; but he had also thought he could comfort his father; that hadn’t happened. It wasn’t that his father was inconsolable; he was just unapproachable. He had thought of calling Gloria yesterday, but she was just as uncommunicative. In the two weeks held been back, she’d been sympathetic, talkative, concerned and distant. She’d suggested they postpone their marriage for six months, allowing a one-year mourning period. It was the only proper thing to do, she had said.
When he tried to discuss his experiences, she wouldn’t listen. "Oh, Alfred," she kept saying, "I know you’re doing the right thing. Besides, Daddy writes me so much of what his task force is doing off the coast, that I’m really tired of hearing about Vietnam. It’s such a tiresome little war. The social life is really quite dull at the club, with everyone really interesting deployed overseas."
He was in love with Gloria, and she loved him, but she wasn’t much help to him in solving his problem.