Schizophrenia

It was a cold day and I think that was the only reason I didn't drive my brother in laws car into the resorvoir and attempted to drown myself. I didn't like the thought of freezing water as a means to my demise. I told the voices to quit now or I was going to overdose as soon as I got home. They intensified. I had been prescribed some powerfull sleeping pills from my psychologist and I took about fifty to sixty of them and laid down. Something came over me and said go throw them up. I went to the back porch and tried but couldn't. I went to my Moms bedroom and told her I had a problem and needed her but she was on the phone with Willy. In her state of mind with the seperation issues she didn't want to stop talking. I went back to my room and laid down again. I got real frightened. I was starting to feel sleep comming on and forced myself up one last time and opened her door again. I said I ovedosed and needed to get to the hospitol. She raced me to the hospitol that wasn't very far away and they pumped my stomach. They said I died and I didn't come out of it for about twenty-six hours. When I woke up there was tubes in all my cavities and my Dad and Mom were sitting at my bedside. We got on the bed and were making out. I thought, where is this gonna lead? She convinced me to go to the local convenience store to get more cash so we would score some drugs. She went with me and I could sense she was trying to get my pin number over my shoulder. We returned to the motel room. She went to get the guy who she said had the supply. He came into my room and immediately put a gun to my head and demanded the money. I gave him my wallet quickly and they left. I couldn't do anything, my foot was broken and I was on crutches because two days before I had dropped from a bridge to collect the crack pipe I had thrown away. I was in excruciating pain. I called the cops. They took one look at me and figured it was a drug deal gone bad. They told me I shouldn't have been here and left. I question myself with the little ability I have to form rational thoughts without the voices confusing them. To ask the voices is pointless. I can't believe anything they say anyway so why even ask? Has God forsaken me with this disease? Am I in hell now? Am I going to hell when I leave this physical body? I could very well now be condemened to an eternity in hell yet still be walking around. My heart and the promises of the Bible tell me I'm going to Heaven.