Child Custody Mediation

In writing Child Custody Mediation, Florence Bienenfeld has done an unusual favor to the world of divorce-court proceedings. The book is both good reading and an aid in making wise decisions. It reports four years of carefully designed efforts to bring about parental agreement and custody arrangements for the benefit of children. Dr. Bienenfeld has worked in a special court-established arrangement for this kind of mediation. She illustrates how to use the power of the court to facilitate mediation and how to develop the psychological pressure to help parents settle child-custody issues. She shares her wisdom, experiences, and methodologies for utilizing the court’s power. Her love for these children often helps to placate their parents and step-parents.

She reports a good number of cases and thereby gives the reader an opportunity of having a great deal of experience without having to learn the hard way for years, including hundreds of days of pain and failure. Her rules and procedures are practical and of high quality. Her method for crises intervention is structured around a systems orientation and is presented in language that is simple and easy to read.

This book includes a long series of explanations for handling special situations. The series includes fourteen different case methodologies and the techniques for resolving each problem effectively.

The final part of this book presents five case studies in considerable detail. Read these five case studies first, then go back to pick up the methodology that is carefully segmented and explained earlier in the book. In Dr. Bienenfeld’s work a remarkable percentage of agreement has been reached without the need to go into court, as so frequently happens in divorce.

In this book, Dr. Bienenfeld proves herself to be a capable therapist, an excellent writer, and a wise human being.

Carl. W. Whitaker, M.D.
Former Professor of Psychiatry
Center For Health Services
University of Wisconsin, Madison

DEDICATION

To all the children and parents who have been helped by this non-adversary approach.

To the hundreds of thousands more who are looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, and

To those dedicated professionals who serve these families.

CONCLUSION

As families go through divorce and post divorce litigation, the stress on family members can be overwhelming. This is especially true for children. The courtroom is hardly the place to resolve these deep-seated emotional issues. Child-custody mediation provides helpful intervention at a time when parents are least likely to be focusing on their children’s needs. The last thing children need is two parents fighting over them. They need both parents to cooperate. Unless children end up with two involved parents after the divorce, everyone loses—especially the children.

When parents are helped to cooperate, their children are more likely to find happiness and satisfaction. For many parents the transition between being married and being parents-in-common is very difficult. Professional assistance at that time can often protect children from being exposed to years of continual hostility and conflict.

Custody-visitation mediation helps many families to resolve their disputes over the children and to develop an appropriate parenting plan. Even when parents do not reach an agreement, some are later able to utilize the information they learn here. Children are also fortified with certain information and perspective about the divorce and parental conflict. This can help them remain neutral and feel less anxious, frightened, or tense.

I commend the California state legislators for being sensitive to the value of custody/visitation counseling and mediation and for having the foresight to mandate mediation services in contested child-custody cases. Mediation gives parents the choice of resolving their disputes in a nonadversary setting, by self-determination, or in court.