From Poverty to Potential

Discussions about sexuality with my daughter started during her middle school years. Although those talks were necessary, I kept them light and progressed as she grew. Because of our families’ history, it was important to attack pregnancy, STD’s and low-self esteem early on. I had to give it to her straight. Sex does not convey love. A sweet whisper in your ear that you are beautiful or “the one and only” does not mean it’s true. Most often, we focused on consequences of actions. She had to imagine what it was like to be left with the responsibility of a baby. Fortunately because I was a single parent, her memory bank fueled the conversations. She saw me making the trips to social services, to the court houses, riding the many buses, hunting for jobs, searching for babysitters, going through college, moving from place to place, crying at night, frustrated during the day, and not having much assistance through it all. I made her think about herpes, Chlamydia, and HIV. Life tied to a doctor’s office didn’t sound appealing. I made her think about life dating a drug dealer. How many trips to the prison would she make? How many times would her house get raided? I made her think about the trauma of abortion. Would she get over it, or would she regret her decision for life? I worked to convey the message of “permanent life changes.” Often times, there’s no going back and undoing damage. It can only be managed at that point. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Love is a strong force whether it’s “puppy” or adult. I’ve seen kids steal and kill for people they love. I’ve also seen them pay with the rest of their lives. I hope you hear me. We’ve got to cut these behaviors off at the root WHICH IS IN THE MIND. Prevention is key. Take the time to assess what barriers have existed for YOUR family. What seems to afflict your female family members? What seems to afflict the male family members? What is the mentality that drives the bad decision making side of the house? Are there certain behaviors being taught by family members as acceptable, although contrary to societal and moral laws? Does your family have moral boundaries? It’s definitely healthier to adopt a moral code if you don’t have one. All the love you feel inside for your children, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and other family members, show it by educating them about your experiences. Successes, failures, and painful memories. Don’t hide it, cover it up, or keep it hush, hush. Tell it in all love and humility. You’ll preserve another generation.