Joey D. Ossian
People Would Buy Tickets is my first attempt at creating
fiction. Do not be misled into thinking
I am getting tremendously creative here.
Realistic fiction becomes fiction only because I have changed the names
of people and the titles of the places where it was necessary. I am still telling stories that really
happened, only embellishing where I lack details or think it would be more
interesting. The part of this book that
is really fictional and dreamt up is in the descriptions and actions of the
main characters, but I am still using stories from, and characteristics of,
people I have known personally. That
said, Heck and Count are
wholly fictional characters, and are not meant to symbolize or represent
anybody.
When I began this
project, the title of the book was, Count
Is Clear. After careful
consideration, that title works only if you are familiar with correctional
jargon. I had intended some word play
with the term count, and a main character, Count, but it does not work if you
are not already familiar with the term as it applies to corrections, and the
character. The title that I decided on, People Would Buy Tickets, comes from a
co-worker, who does not want his name mentioned here.
Many of you know my
previous work, and realize that I was simply writing about things that really
happened. There is not much writing
talent in regurgitating, just a skill for translating real life to paper. The primary characters are all fictional, as
is much of their background, but the inter-woven humorous short stories are mostly
factual, if only slightly embellished events related to me by co-workers and my
own experiences while working in the corrections field.
A Native of Nebraska, Joey D. Ossian
holds a Master’s Degree in Educational
Administration from the University
of Nebraska. Following ten years in education as a teacher
and administrator, Ossian settled in Southeast Nebraska,
where he is currently a Caseworker at the Nebraska State Penitentiary. Ossian and his wife have three children.
Maybe women should run
the world. Men have had their shot, and
they are not showing any clear cut dominance or talent for it just yet. After all, women have half the money now, and
they have always had all the pussy. If
that is not the combination of the two most powerful things on the planet, I do
not know what is. The trouble with this
line of thinking is that there are many powerfully intelligent women in the
world that think the human race can survive without men. Man as a gender or sub-species, might not
last long if those women were in power.
What is questionable
moral character (QMC)? Do all Marines
have it? Does everybody have it? Whose perspective counts? If somebody questions you, does that make you
questionable? The individual in question
will usually say they do not have QMC.
Others may say they do. I
guarantee that most folks out there have had somebody question their moral
character at one time or another. Hell,
folks even questioned Jesus Christ’s
moral character. That being the case,
who does not have questionable moral character?
My name is Hector Batiste. Daddy said it “Bat”, like the flying mammal,
and “Teest”, long e in the middle, with the silent e on the end. Friends call me Heck. You might guess from my name that I am of
Hispanic descent. You would be right. My father’s father was half Mexican, and that
makes me an eighth Hispanic. Do not ask
me what the rest is, because I have no fucking clue. I may be part Hispanic, but about the only Spanish I know is
Tengo un gato de vente cinco libras en me pantelones. If I said that correctly, I have a 25 pound
cat in my pants.
A friend in the Corps gave me my
first valuable Spanish lesson; He said to tell the waitress,
“Dos Cervesas, por favor.”
I said, “Hey, doesn’t dos mean two?”
He replied, “Yes, you’re buying me
one for the lesson.”
Above all things, I am an
Old Corps Marine, and I place tremendous value on honor, integrity, and credibility,
even though I sometimes struggle at maintaining them. I was born on April 14th, the day the Titanic struck
the iceberg…the same day President Lincoln was shot…Pete Rose’s birthday. It is not outside the realm of possibility
that I have a dark shadow hanging over my life.
I should not be surprised that on the day of my birth, 14 April, 1954,
the British Charts had Doris Day’s Secret
Love listed as their number one song.
Perhaps this was a bad omen.
There are three things I
have faith in that I can not see: God,
gravity, and electricity. I am a simple
guy, and I can live with that. I like
money, but I do not want to work very hard for it. I love getting drunk, but I do not like
hang-overs. I love pussy, but I do not
like women. That could be interpreted in
a lot of ways. What I really mean is, I
do not want them to talk to me or have needs when I am finished. Do not lay with me, do not cuddle, just go
away. If you want, you can leave me your
number; make me a sandwich or a pot-pie before you go, but go. I have shit to do that does not involve you.
