Mark P. Schowalter
Everyday people experience everyday events. Some are good, exciting, and worth writing home about. Other things are difficult, sometimes tragic, and sometime unexplainable. Yet everyday experiences are real and folks go through all kinds of emotions and feelings to get to their understanding of who they are. Everyone experiences some sort of handicap and/or disability. How you accept this thought, deal with this thought, work with and through this possibility, and share yourself through your handicaps and/or disability is how others see you. “From Eagle To chicken And Back” is a journey of faith, life’s experiences, humor, and a vision of insight. Designed not to focus attention on the author’s life’s experiences with handicaps and disabilities but to help guide the reader into exploring their own personal experiences on their own life’s journeys.
Through the use of short stories the author takes you through his experience of losing physical sight because of type I diabetes on a journey from brokenness to wholeness. His humor, wit, and spiritual insight opens doors of possibilities on how any person can find healing and wholeness despite the tragic adversities that life sometimes deals. There are no hidden promises or guarantees that the journey is easy, simply an exploration and sharing of how one person found wholeness and inner joy through faith and humor.
Mark Schowalter is a Pastor, teacher, and an experiencing theologian ordained minister in the United Church of Christ. He and his wife Sue have been married for over fourteen years and live in Genoa City, Wisconsin. Mark is currently the Pastor of a small parish living his call to be a minister and help people develop and live their faith stories. Part of mark and Sue’s ministry is breeding and raising Doberman pups to be dog guide candidates for the blind working with Pilot Dogs, Inc. of Columbus, Ohio. This ministry of raising dogs helps other blind people gain their mobility independence.
In the twenty-three plus years of ordained ministry Mark offers life’s skills as a role model dealing with his diabetes, his amputated leg, and corrective heart surgery. His journeys through life is a story of faith facing celebrations as well as adversities seeking how God works good in all things.
Mark’s hobbies include music, camping, sailing, traveling, working with wood, and breeding Doberman pups. He has directed church camps for many ages of people both at different camp sites in Wisconsin and Iowa as well as on Lake Superior. Most of his ministry involves people sharing their stories and experiences and helping many to learn from the journeys they have already made in life.
“I minister to people of all ages through all walks of life. I believe in you and me as the embodiment of God's will to make this world a better place to live. I believe in you and me, in balloons and puppy dogs, in children and grandparents, in joy and in sorrow, in life and in death, in yesterday, today and tomorrow!”
Since my twenty-third birthday I have been totally blind. I have been learning how to live as an independent blind person. Sometimes I come face to face with my blindness and realize that there are things that I cannot do. Other times I know that my blindness makes me capable of doing much that people with vision cannot do. I am constantly learning that there are definite limitations that cannot be changed. Other times I know that my blindness gives me a definite advantage in being able to see beyond and experience that which lives within. Sometimes I feel that my blindness and my diabetes are frustrating losses. Other times I choose to make these disabilities a unique gift given to me as tools for my life. I choose to call them a gift. The gift is that I am able to use my disabilities as an insight to see beyond the first impressions that people present and discover the real person that lives within.
I am a blind diabetic. I am blind because of my diabetes. Since the age of 7 I have learned how to live with my diabetes. Sometimes I would test my own limitations and fail miserably. Other times I have discovered how to create effective new habits that help me.
This collection of short stories, reflections, and thoughts are about the experiences. When I first lost my sight I started spending lots of time journalizing my thoughts, reflections, and memories on an old manual typewriter that had gotten me through college. It was something to do while I waited. I was spending a lot of time waiting, wondering, and searching for questions and answers why these two disabling diseases were happening in me. The stories became one of the ways I could deal with all of the changes taking place within an extremely short period of time. Some close friends had the opportunity to experience me through my journal as they now began reading the many entries back to me. These friends encouraged me to continue writing and to think about perhaps sharing my journal with others. As you will find English and Grammar are not my strong suits but the seed was planted and the idea grew. In the early stages of writing I retired not only my college manual typewriter but a second used manual and a third small electric typewriter before receiving a beautiful commercial style electric that would assist me through my seminary career and my long excessive journaling moods. Then I graduated to a talking computer and suddenly my journal comes to life! The idea of organizing my journal into a book to share with others blossomed into a real concept.
The concept of this book continued to grow yet it lacked a purpose, a reason for wanting to share my story with others. My journal was a loose-leaf notebook. Some of the entries were clipped into the binder while others were stuffed into the pocket flaps. I struggled with finding a purpose for this book. Then I shared an experience leading a workshop for over two hundred Youth at the 1984 national Youth Event of the United Church of Christ. During the encounter within the workshops the purpose for this book happened. When I agreed to do the two workshops I was told that I would have about twenty-five participants in each session. The first session had over one hundred and twenty-five! I thought I was in the wrong room. The second session was about the same number. The participants were identifying me and my guide dog Babe as someone that was dealing with difficulties in life and being successful. The topic for the workshop was dealing with relationships. There was a connection between the way we participate in our relationships be it between ourselves with ourselves, with other people, and with God. They were dealing with handicaps and disabilities just as I was. Through many countless hours of dialogue after the workshops the purpose for this book was clear. If perhaps by chance I could help even just one other person experience their own successes and frustrations as a part of the relational circle of life by sharing my story then this collection of stories, reflections, and thoughts would be well worth the effort of organizing them into book form.
As I began to organize and re-write some of the entries I found my story filled with laughter, humor, and celebration. This is the optimistic part of me. At other times I found myself crying and filled with sorrow as I experienced and remembered the pain that sometimes happens in life. I kept discovering a familiar fraternal value that "I am only as strong as I am when I am at my weakest moment." My story is complex yet simple. There is much that I have accomplished and still more that I dream of accomplishing. Sometimes I think that I have not done any great things noteworthy of anyone remembering. Other times I discover that I have survived! A surprise in and of itself and I have done marvelous things. I am constantly aware that I am a unique person, the likes of which will never ever be seen again in this world, as we know it. I have dreams and failures, successes and frustrations, and all in all, I am constantly in forward gear working through one relationship after another. Just like you!
As my story began to take shape and form through these pages I found that by looking backwards I am able to see more clearly where I am going. I am in a constant state of motion focusing on the moment realizing that all of my dreams for tomorrow are in direct relationship with the experiences from my past. My struggles in life come when I do not understand myself or the relationship I am currently in; be it a relationship with myself, with someone else, or with God. I am always in a struggle attempting to define and understand where I am going and how it fits into the call to life that I must respond to. There is a small voice deep within those calls me to continue forward, dealing with the struggles, and making celebrations of the successes that take place. The failures become learning moments and keep me participating in the forward relationship. This book's purpose is to help others look at their life's journey, identify and listen to their small voice that calls from within, and attempt to understand their own relationship with themselves, others, and the Holy Spirit.
Music is an important part of my understanding of who I am. Music often times is able to express some of the feelings found within. The familiar words from the gospel hymn Amazing Grace reads so beautifully:"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved someone like me. I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind, and now I seeing." These words became ever so important to me as I learned to look beyond myself through my blindness and discover so much more. Please do not misunderstand what I am saying. Being blind is not easy! There are many times when I hurt, feel trapped by my blindness, and find myself discriminated against because I am different. Because I do know the profound depth of my disability, its pain and sorrow, I am also able to laugh at myself, share my joys and celebration, and enjoy the abilities and skills that I do have. Because I can understand these limitations I am able to work through and around them making them gifts. This is something I choose to do, making my experiences whether they are good or bad part of the gifts that I am given. That is what my story is about.
This book is my story about my experiences and how each one interacts with the other. My greatest discovery in my life is that all of my experiences work in relationship with each other. Each experience has something that will help me in a different situation. What a tremendous gift to be able to grow by learning from our mistakes, celebrating our successes, and sharing our experiences with others. There is never a moment when the humor does not mix with the pain, celebrations with failures, laughter with tears. I was well into my experiences with my blindness and feeling all of the different emotions of being blind when I began to see the much larger picture of what my story might do for someone else. As I reflected over many of the entries, the things I had gained from each experience, and the importance each story held for me I began applying the K.I.S.S. theory of "keep it simple stupid." This became my guide and philosophy for sharing with you parts of my story. The hope is that you will find your gifts within your experiences by sharing your story with someone else. Remembering not to get too complicated and attempting to apply the K.I.S.S. theory will hopefully make you stronger in your relationships with yourself, others, and your understanding of the Holy Spirit.
This part of my story begins on the morning of my twenty-third birthday. I was waiting for my doctor to arrive in my room to remove the bandage from my right eye. The day previous I had undergone eight hours of surgery in hopes of retaining some usable vision. A victim of diabetes retinopathy I had only myself to blame for not accepting my illness sooner. I had lost vision in my left eye three months earlier in another surgery. The doorway to a different lifestyle was open before me. I stood on the threshold fighting back my tears and fears of losing my vision. All of my hopes for being able to see like any other person were rapidly dwindling as I anxiously awaited the results. I was restless!
My parents were waiting with me in my hospital room for the doctor's arrival. I had undergone surgery the day before with the hopes of retaining perhaps 90% of workable vision. My parents were with me then also. We prayed and comforted each other as we waited just as we had done the day before. The familiar words of Isaiah's prophecy sang through my mind as I laid in darkness with bandages over my eye. My parents held my hand. There was a tremendous feeling of strength in the support and love they provided. The doctor joined us in the room and shared in our prayers. Then he removed the bandages. Oops! The surgery had not worked as planned. I was now totally blind.
The day previous to my birthday discovery was spent in surgery. The doctors wish to attempt rebuilding the inside of my right eye hoping to stop the massive scarring that accompanies diabetic retinopathy. I had already undergone laser surgery in both eyes to stop the hemorrhaging that had been taking place for the past nine months. Now prepped for surgery and waiting in the pre-op staging area my parents and I were scared about what lay ahead. We had lots of questions but no answers. Our strength came in the faith and trust we had with the doctors and other medical staff that had been so wonderful.
I had already been seduced for surgery by a yahoo harpoon in my posterior regions! Feeling no pain and confined to a gurney in the pre-op staging area my parents and I waited for my turn. Our wait grew longer than expected as another retinal emergency was taken care of. It became a special time for the three of us as we prepared for a long day ahead. I had the easy part, as I would be sound asleep. They had the hard part waiting and hoping to hear from the surgeon that all had gone well. We held hands feeling a wonderful spiritual bonding. We found comfort in our family's faith. My Dad shared these words from Isaiah's prophecy as we prayed and waited. --
[Isaiah 40:28-31] "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
The last thing I remember seeing was a large wall clock facing the operating table. The clock read 10:30 A.M. The discovery of my blindness would not be known for another twelve hours. Yet something inside of me already knew and was preparing me for this discovery. I was scared! Frightened! And confused! In the midst of my struggles, frustrations, and despair there was a small voice speaking to me, guiding me, helping me to see things differently? I questioned my abilities and capabilities. I doubted myself and the small voice calling from within. I had no idea of what lay ahead. I felt that my restlessness to move ahead was being inspired by the image of the eagle rising on its wings from Isaiah's prophecy. It started to give me strength to look forward.
As my parents and I waited for the doctor on my birthday I was reminded of the many special friends I had who were quietly praying and supporting me and my family. This is an important part of my celebration and success in dealing with my disability. I have many friends who try to understand what I am going through, who struggle with me and my blindness, who also know the grace of God in being able to look forward even when the end of the tunnel is dark and unseen. There were four special friends in Peter, Jeff, Neil, and Carl who spent the entire day with my parents while I was in surgery. These friends would also become important spiritual brothers as I began to spread my new wings and attempt to soar once again like the eagle in Isaiah's prophecy. I began to stumble forward, blind, yet determined!
There is no beginning and no ending to this book. I believe that all things are relational and continue in a circle around us. As there is a beginning to life, birth, and an ending, death, this story is about what happens in between. You may start anywhere you like. I decided to write each chapter as its own part of the story. I do this with the thought that you might be in a unique and different place when you want to read. I believe that everything is relational. Each chapter somehow ties in with the one before, the one after, the beginning, and the end. This is also where my idea for a title got started. There are chapters of humor, laughter, celebration, and joy. They will make us feel good. There are also chapters of pain, sorrow, hurt, loss, and despair and we will cry for obviously different reasons. Sometimes you will sense the eagle rising and other times you will feel the chicken running. All in all it is part of the magical mystical dance that I feel apart of within yet not contained within.
