Jackie Black, Ph.D.
This whole book is a letter from me to you. It's what I've learned from clients, friends and my own life. You’ll find lots of stories and case studies. Some of them will be familiar; others will be vastly different. They will all add something to your knowledge of what makes a relationship work well.
Living your best life and love life is all about taking responsibility, acting on your own behalf and being the architect of your life; and has little or nothing to do with your past, luck or destiny.
Dating is a process with a beginning, a middle and an end. This book was written to help all of you who feel that "dating" is difficult, or who have had enough uncomfortable experiences to be hesitant. It was also written to help those who are searching for your life partner and keep meeting people who just don’t "make the grade."
Have you ever received reliable information or education on committed relationships? This book is for anyone who wants to improve relationships whether you are single, divorced, widowed; heterosexual, gay or lesbian; young or old. There are a wide variety of partnerships; each is a legitimate, healthy expression of human intimacy. It’s about having the relationship you deserve and ultimately you will be guided by your own needs, background experience and current skill levels in each area you’ll explore.
When dating isn't fun, you may question whether a relationship is right for you. The skills and approaches you’ll discover on this journey toward a lasting relationship will help you to have fun dating and to continue to have a rich and rewarding relationship with someone who is right for you.
Find out how to enjoy the journey in search of your ideal match!
Jackie Black, Ph.D., dubbed the Love and Relationship Doctor by Cosmo U.K., knows that “Love is never enough!” Successful singles need to be emotionally intelligent; learn and practice essential relationship skills; and to be courageous, compassionate, committed, tolerant and persistent.
Dr. Jackie is an internationally recognized relationship expert and coach. She is a popular Internet Syndicated writer and podcaster, distributing her monthly Relationship Tips Sheet to people in over 38 countries. Dr. Jackie is a frequent contributor to Cosmo, Woman’s Health, Men’s Health, Maxim, and the popular on-line dating site, Match.com.
Dr. Jackie is a regular guest on pop, rock, hip hop, jazz and country western radio shows across the U.S. and Canada offering her sage and no-nonsense advice to listeners of all ages. She coaches singles and couples throughout the world through her TelePrograms, private sessions and her web-based membership coaching club – the Ideal Match Coaching Club. Dr. Jackie can be reached via her web site http://www.IdealMatchCoachingClub.com
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"This book is comprehensive, useful, and inspiring. Lessons or guidance on dating is as important as learning how to walk. In my experience as a therapist, the book contains information that many people have not had an opportunity to learn. This has left them without a structure for dating, which often leads to unnecessary pain and anguish. If it were up to me, your book would be used as a high school text for a mandatory class on 'Successful Relationships.' The book contains priceless information that adolescents need at the onset of their romantic life. Of course your book could be helpful for any age since it’s never to late to learn."
Stacy A. Berlin, Psy.D.
Psychoanalytic Psychodynamic Orientation
Los Angeles, California
We all have a need for a certain amount of stability in our lives. You’ll find that you have four cornerstones that are the foundation on which your life is grounded. These are:
· Your needs and values; the external and internal structures of your life.
· Your vision; what you want your life to be.
· Your life purpose; your reason for being.
· Your mission; the daily choices and behaviors that put into action living on purpose with vision driven by needs and values.
These form the basis of your inner life. Right now you may not be clear on what some of these are, but they are all there in your subconscious and help you to make decisions that are right for you.
In my worldview, it is essential to work on these four, so you can be certain you are engaging in your life and in the dating process with integrity and with accurate information and full awareness about yourself.
Let me explain: you create your life and your love life through your beliefs, intentions and the actions you take in the world. Every one of us has an inner guidance system that drives us and guides us in making choices, whether we are aware of it or not.
Your inner guidance system is a combination of these four related, but separate, parts. A love relationship is most fulfilling and satisfying when it is in alignment with your needs/values, vision, life purpose and mission.
If you live from your very being, you will live a life in alignment with your needs/values, vision and life purpose. When you live from your very being, you can genuinely love and be loved by another; you can know a love that grows out of choice. Real love with your partner-in-life will allow you to experience being loved by someone who chooses to love you, who sees in you something worth loving.
What so many people forget is that lasting happiness, peace of mind, deep and joyful love, abundance, physical and emotional health are created primarily through who you are being rather than what you are doing or having.
It is who you are being that matters most! We are human beings first and foremost, after all. To be, then to do and have is part of our very essence; to be our best, to be all that we desire to be.
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"Dr. Jackie Black has totally cracked the Code to Successful Relationships! The topics she covers: setting boundaries, making sense of the dating process... give a terrific insight from a truly proficient professional and one of my favorite professional relationship go-to experts."
Dennie Hughes
USA WEEKEND'S RelationTip Columnist
"Meeting Your Match is not for the casual dater, but for men and women who are looking to develop the self-awareness and intimacy skills necessary to build a successful, rewarding relationship that will last a lifetime."
Nicole Beland
Deputy Editor of Women's Health Magazine
"Meeting Your Match by Dr. Jackie Black deals with a subject, dating, that is all too often given short shrift, and treated all too lightly, yet it is so important. Dating is a source of angst for so many out there who simply long to have the luxury and comfort of what could ultimately be a lasting relationship. In a way that is intimate, reassuring, and anecdotal, Dr. Black allows us to empower ourselves with the truth, compelling us to ask questions about ourselves and those whom we want in our lives. Not only is this book a guide to how to make a relationship work, but it teaches us how to extricate ourselves honestly and gracefully when the relationship is not working.
As Dr. Black states right in the beginning about dating, 'The problem is that few people will sit down and think about it before embarking on the dating circuit. And that's what it often becomes -- a merry-go-round -- and the faster it goes, the harder it is to get off.' Dr. Black helps us to seize the brass ring, but to think carefully while we're on the carousel."
Stephanie Gertler
Author, To Love, Honor, and Betray
"If you need practical advice about relationships this is your book. Dr Jackie shares her experiences and insights with the rest of us and it is a book brimming with ideas, wisdom and warmth; offering support in helping you identify what you are looking for in a partner and in a relationship, meet new people and navigate the world of dating.
Meeting your Match will give you the help you need to resolve your own problems and bring positive change to your life. It will leave you with a better understanding of how relationships really work, why they can fail and what you need to do to help them to succeed. It will help you to know yourself so that you can recognize the right life partner for you."
Ariana Gee
Author, Be Your Own Love Coach
Matchmaker and Relationship Coach; www.realconnection.co.uk
"In the 42 years I have been a psychotherapist I have read many books on how to have a successful relationship. Most of them are written by people who tell us how 'it should be,' not the way it is.
Dr. Jackie Black has written a book that comes from her years of experience, both personal and professional. She not only tells it how like it is, but more importantly tells us what we can do to have the kind of relationships we all long to have.
This book will be of interest to men and women alike. If you haven't given up on love, this is a must read. If you're not sure you can really have the relationship of your dreams, Meeting Your Match will give you renewed hope in the future.
I can't recommend this book highly enough."
Jed Diamond
Author, Male Menopause and The Irritable Male Syndrome
