Dennis J. Schleicher
Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-mail Diaries describes one couple’s journey as they struggle with sexual identity and how it conflicts with right and wrong. More than 4 million women are currently or have been married to either a gay or bisexual man. Often the gay spouse feels forced by societal and family pressures into marriage, suppressing his true feelings in order to be socially accepted by appearing “straight.” However, in secret these men cheat on their wives by conducting affairs with members of the same sex.
This day-by-day memoir diary includes actual daily e-mails and correspondence between the author, Dennis Schleicher, and his 14-year married boyfriend. Will his boyfriend leave his wife and confess to her his love and desire to live with another man, or will he be trapped in his own insecurities and not move to a side of life he has kept hidden all of these years, risking the loss of his potential “soulmate”?
Every married and single woman and male and/or those engaged in a relationship will learn the truth about two loving people who are highly challenged to reveal their innermost souls in order to “survive.”
Dennis Schleicher is a Regional Sales Manager, representing a multimillion-dollar territory within the professional beauty industry. At age 17 in 1990, he appeared on seven talk shows, including “Larry King Live,” where he talked about being a victim of a brutal gay bashing that occurred in his public high school. The ratings for his appearance on “Sally Jessy Raphael,” which aired January 19, 1990, were so high that they asked him to appear again. The bashing was reported in more than a dozen local and national newspapers and magazines. Dennis resides in Glastonbury, Connecticut, where he is writing the sequel Triangular Dilemma, the Aftermath and Consequences.
Introduction
The 2001 United States census concludes that in over 3 million marriages, one spouse is lesbian, gay or bisexual. When a spouse discloses his or her same-sex orientation, it is an act that could ultimately lead to an identity crisis in the straight spouse. Results can trigger the shattering of his or her self-worth, accompanied by much pain in the form of confusion, shame, anger, profound loss of self-esteem or damaged sexuality. Old patterns that have been locked away in the subconscious from before the heterosexual marriage can also arise, which could further complicate matters.
Residual anger that has not been dealt with before needs to be released before it grows out of proportion and provokes self-destructive behavior in the straight spouse. Chances for a breakthrough are severely diminished if he or she does not confront his or her pain and deal with patterns that could result in denial.
As for the homosexual partner, his or her sexuality and lifestyle have been subdued for so long that coming out can be a terrifying and traumatic experience. He or she also must come to terms with the separation of the spouse and possibly the children that they have lived with in the same home for a number of years.
There have been gay men married to women throughout history. As was stated in a New York Times article on “mixed marriages,” one of the most recent is New Jersey’s former governor James McGreevey who announced that he was gay in 2005. Others include Sir Lawrence Olivier, Rock Hudson, Cole Porter and Elton John. Although there are support groups for the straight wife after this heartbreaking news, there are numerous issues that she faces at the time of discovery and for years afterwards.
An estimated 20,000 to 30,000 wives have contacted one of many online support groups seeking consolation and help from women in similar situations. Some of these groups remain anonymous because of the devastating emotional pain with which the participants are dealing.
But there is a third dimension of these triangular relationships—namely, the “other man.” What motivates an openly gay man to knowingly enter into a relationship with a married man? Does he believe that loves conquers all? Does he believe that he is the “soulmate” that the married man has been looking for all these years to make him come to terms with himself? Does he think about the consequences of breaking up a family or does he believe that the marriage needs to be broken up? Most importantly, what happens when he has to accept that the married man may possibly never leave his wife?
Which party will have his or her heart Broken? When does the “other man” know when his hopes have been dashed and he needs to find a new dream? How long will he be strung along by a man who doesn’t have the courage to act on his convictions?
This book describes one couple’s struggle with their current life choices and how to create a fully functional gay relationship while dealing with the prospect of divorce.
Note from the Editor:
“Dennis bared his soul and innermost thoughts and struggles to me in such a way as to make me feel compassionate and simultaneously objective about him. I felt that as I worked with him we became professional soul mates. I look forward to editing the sequel.” Roberta J. Buland, Editor.
