She wasn’t a good looker like he had always chose before her, rather she wasn’t pretty at all in the face, but rather very plain. And her extreme guilty conscience about having an affair with her husband’s best friend, which resulted in a pregnancy and the birth of her middle son, finally caused her to dump her own guilt on someone. Unfortunately he was the unlucky one she chose to bestow her very dark and haunting secret upon. Which burnt his mind to its very core, and left behind scars that could never heal. And years later she wouldn’t allow him to see his own son when he was alive, but she did graciously invited him to his son’s funeral.
This author somehow managed to live through this true story without ending up in an alley talking to a bottle of cheap wine, as so many others have. But he does admit, having found true love once in his lifetime, was wonderful when it was right. As he has always believed very firmly, love is heaven or hell, with no in between. When it is good, it is wonderful. When it is bad, it is truly some sort of hell. He further believes that one must actually find true love before they can treasure or hate it. That being the case, when looking for love, prepare yourself to find heaven or hell. For it will truly be, one or the other.
As the days turned into weeks, I fell deeper and deeper in love with her. I had more than my share of experiences with women before her, but nothing like this. I was finding out what love was really all about. The word love was so simple. And so easily used. But, this thing that was happening to me, was much stronger than any word in any language. My soul seemed to be possessed by her, and it no longer belonged to me. My mind was no longer master of my thoughts, without her being a part of them. My blood raced, my heart pounded, my guts ached, just from the thoughts of ever being without her. When she was with me, I was master of the world. When she wasn’t, I only thought of her. It was completely frightening to feel myself being pulled into something I had fought against so hard, for so long. I was needing her. Not physically, but mentally. I was scared inside. Would I be strong enough to continue to be my own man, or would I let her make me become something I detested? One of us would have to concede. She was strong and masterful, and was determined to remain that way. I could either
let her master our world, or retain my own self pride, and loose everything else.
*****
“I’ve got to talk to you”, he said, looking very serious and tired.
“Come on in my office, and I’ll get us a coffee.” I went and got a couple of coffees, and when I got back, I noticed him standing outside. I walked out, handed him the coffee, and remarked what a lousy day it was.
“Yeah, lousier than you know”, he muttered. I knew he had something pretty heavy on his mind from the way he was now acting. But, I didn’t push to find out what it was.
“So, how’s everything going?” I asked casually.
“Not so good. I’m not here for just a visit, I have to tell you something.” I waited. He took a deep breath, and when it came out, it didn’t make a hell of a lot of sense. “James died this morning.” I studied his face for more, but there was no more. My mind raced. I couldn’t place anyone by the name of James.
“James who?” I asked. His eyes filled with tears, as he said,
“James your son.” It hit me with the force of a truck. “I’m sorry to have to be the one that had to tell you. But the cops said you would have to be told. Mom didn’t want you to know, but they said it was the law that the father, if around, had to be notified. I told them I thought it would be better if I told you, rather than them. You know how they are.” The words poured out of his mouth. I heard them, and they burned as they past through my mind. I couldn’t speak, I just heard. “Mom is pretty upset, and the doctor gave her a shot to settle her down. She told me not to tell you, but I would rather you heard it from me than a total stranger.”
