Sherri Van Houten, M. Div. S.T.M.
Although I believe I have been unjustly persecuted and a victim of political maneuvers within the church, this book is not intended as an assault on the church. Instead, I am writing to offer solutions for spiritual sickness especially when the sickness comes from foul play. For my spiritual healthiness, I need something lively, something to stir my spirit; I need motion on the ocean of spirituality rather than a dead-calm sea. Belly dancing provides that motion. Belly dancing has been the healing tonic for my injured spirituality. My dancing is “ethereal,” and I believe my veil is the physical presence of my spiritual aura.
Sherri Van Houten graduated Drew Theological School, Madison. NJ, with a Master of Divinity “Cum Laude” in May 2001, and received her Master of Sacred Theology in October 2003. She is now working on her doctorate in spiritual studies. Recently, she preached about childhood abuse at Holy Counselor Lutheran Church in Vernon, and also at the First United Methodist Church of Montclair, NJ: last year, Ms. Van Houten preached at Craig Chapel, Drew University, Madison, NJ, about violence against women, based on the Biblical text Judges 19. As a new venture, Ms. Van Houten is currently working with her troupe, The Champagne Girls, A NJ Non-Profit Organization dancing to raise money for Domestic and Foreign charities.
Introduction – From Bells to Bellies
I told the Bishop how God called me
through a vision of Christ’s face,
as a man lay on his deathbed,
which had become sacred space;
And the Bishop said,
“So you say, but I have to recognize your calling!”
I told him of the woman
who perceived me as a priest,
of the ‘last rite’ anointing I gave her
shortly before she deceased;
And the Bishop said,
“As I said, I have to recognize your calling.”
I explained my love for the Chalice,
and my devotion to preach and pray,
as I talked about the Holy Spirit
and my spiritual discipline of each day;
And though my heart is the Eucharist
for all the sickly to ingest,
and a calling of God’s voice
burned and churned within my breast…
The Bishop said, “You don’t understand - -
I have to recognize your calling, and I don’t!”
I truly believe that God ordains us in various ways and at various times in our lives. For me, my first ordination came with the vision of a dying man whose face transformed into the face of Christ while I was visiting him. For others I’ve spoken with, ordination came in the form of a phone call, a voice from a beggar, a “calling” in their dreams, and so on. Each person who believes he or she is called takes some type of appropriate action to answer God’s beckoning. Believing myself to be “called,” I replied by engaging in a conversation with my pastor. Together we discerned that I was, indeed called to the priesthood. Because I truly believe myself to be ordained by God and called to ministry before the Bishop’s rejection of my Holy Orders, I am positive that a terrible injustice to both God and myself has been executed.
As the above poem expresses, the Bishop’s word was the only voice he wanted to hear. My calling and God’s calling of me were secondary to his belief that I simply did not fit the mold of what he wants to ordain. I perceive his denial of my Holy Orders as spiritual abuse, and for the first year after the Bishop’s rejection I felt spiritually numb. Although I continued to pray on a daily basis, my actions were done purely out of moral obligation and not out of a lust for a spiritual connection with the universe. I felt so heartbroken that I could not pass a church without feeling like I was being stabbed in the soul! I knew that the church, with all its politics, was not going to be a place for me to recover from the spiritual abuse, yet I was feeling such a profound need for spiritual recovery. I needed something to take me away from the church, but it had to be something that could deliver me into a deeper spirituality than anything readily available from a spiritual director, a priest, or from someone in the laity. (I am sure my seeking nourishment from the breast that offered me sour milk clearly could not satisfy my hunger.) It had to be something that involved all my senses, all my concentration, and all my passion. I found such sustenance in belly dancing. While I also engage in Liturgical dance, which is certainly spiritually fulfilling, it has not worked in bringing a healing into my soul. Since Liturgical dancing is done inside the church, I am reminded, too emphatically, of the political injustices surrounding the church walls. Therefore, belly dancing won as the most motivating spiritual dance for me to pursue.
Although I believe I have been unjustly persecuted and a victim of political maneuvers within the church, this book is not intended as an assault on the church. Instead, I am writing to offer solutions for spiritual sickness, especially when the sickness comes from foul play. When I first started belly dancing, I knew that it was a healing process for my physical and emotional well being, so I practiced daily. After months passed, I had come to realize that belly dancing is not just important, but it is essential for my happiness. If a day goes by without my belly dancing, I feel downhearted and physically tired as well.
