Shelby Boone
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What people say about this book
"THIS IS A POWERFUL WORK! I BELIEVE SHELBY'S DESCRIPTION OF THE JOURNEY OF TRANSFORMATION FROM SHAME TO HONOR WILL PROFOUNDLY IMPACT TREATMENT FOR ALL DIS-EASE.
USING SHELBY'S WORK TO FREE MYSELF
FROM SHAME HAS ALLOWED ME TO RE-CLAIM MY OWN POWER AND DISCOVER THE JOY, VALUE AND BEAUTY OF MY LIFE. HAVING RELEASED MY SHAME, I AM NOW ABLE TO RELEASE
THE RICHNESS AND BOUNTY OF MY INNER
SELF; AND, IN HONORING SELF, NOW AM ABLE TO LOVE AND HONOR OTHERS."
*****
"I FOUND MYSELF IN EVERY CHAPTER. SHELBY'S BRILLIANCE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND HUMAN COMPASSION INTERTWINE
TO MAKE THIS A REFERENCE BOOK FOR
EVERYONE'S LIBRARY AND NIGHTSTAND --TO
BE READ OVER AND OVER, THEN TO BE REFERRED TO AND USED THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE."
*****
"I HAVE READ MANY SELF HELP BOOKS BUT NONE OF
THEM HAS TOUCHED ME WITH THE DEPTH OF THIS ONE. I HAVE BEEN MIRACULOUSLY ENLIGHTENED. MY
PERCEPTION OF MYSELF, OTHERS AND THE WORLD WE LIVE IN HAS BEEN ALTERED. I NOW KNOW WHERE MY
NEGATIVE BELIEFS, ATTITUDES, BEHAVIORS AND FEELINGS STEMMED FROM -- AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, I NOW KNOW
HOW TO CHANGE THEM."
*****
"HAVING WONDERED WHAT THAT "YUCKY" FEELING WAS I HAD EXPERIENCED FOR MOST OF MY LIFE, THIS BOOK GIVES
ANSWERS. IT EXPLAINS SHAME, HOW IT FEELS, HOW IT AFFECTS MY EVERYDAY
LIFE AND THE FUTURE OF OUR HUMAN SPECIES.
THE PRACTICAL, WORKABLE LESSONS IN
THIS BOOK UNCOVER OUR DEEPEST SEATED SHAMES, AND FREE US. FREE FROM SHAME, WE AWAKEN TO OUR CHOICES, TO OUR TRUE SELF, AND TO GOD. PEACE AND SERENITY ARE OURS. WE
ARE IN TRUTH A NEW CREATION. THE OLD
HAS PASED AWAY, BEHOLD THE NEW IS COME.'
"
"USING SHELBY'S BOOK WE ARE ABLE TO TAKE OUR
'INNER CHILD' BY THE HAND, AND TOGETHER CONFRONT THE SHAMEFUL TIMES TOGETHER, SEEING THE PATH TO LIGHT AND HAPPINESS AS A
WHOLE PERSON. I CANNOT IMAGINE A HOME IN
THIS COUNTRY NOT IN NEED OF THIS BOOK."
Counselor
Author. Lecturer. Innovator.
Shelby Boone has many credits to her professional career. Her work abounds with
insight, wisdom, experience and knowledge. In We the Creators: From Shame to Honor, Ms. Boone examines the
relationships of self and shame, shame based families, and shame and
addictions. Her in-depth exposure of how shame affects individuals,
relationships, marriages and partnerships provides deep healing for all of us.
We the Creators: From Shame to Honor is a must for everyone seeking nurturing
and respect in significant relationships. It
brings hope and understanding to that empty place within us that feels that
no matter what we do, become or accomplish, we still do not feel that we are
good enough.
For people in recovery from
addictions, We the Creators: From Shame to Honor truly
bridges the gap between sobriety and serenity. There is no need to continue
suffering with anxiety, unacceptable behavior, mental anguish and a
merry-go-round of moods after addictions have been arrested. We the Creators
form Shame to Honor offers tools and methods of securing peace of mind and
serenity for people recovering from addictions.
This edition of We the
Creators: From Shame to Honor is a second
printing. The demand for its healing message far exceeded all expectations. The
timing is such that a second book by Ms. Boone, The Role of Will in
Addiction and Recovery is also available.
SHAME OF INDIVIDUALS
Webster’s dictionary describes shame as “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.”
If shame is that simple, why write a book about it?
Shame is not that simple. Shame is an extremely complex emotional experience that causes far reaching and long lasting effects on individuals, families, groups of people and nations.
What we have covered so far shows shame is not a simple, isolated, unique experience. Shame wears many faces and happens in many different ways. It is possible to feel shame for being rich or for being poor. It is common to feel shame about what someone else does or says. It is also common to feel shame for what we do or say or neglect to do or say. We can shame ourselves with our thoughts and self-talk.
The experience of shame is total. Every aspect of our Self becomes involved. Our emotions are churned up and turned inside out; our body is revved up and ready to fight, freeze or flee. Our thoughts are spinning and tumbling over each other as we try to figure out what to do. After the confusion subsides, we feel isolated from the community of people whether it be our family, friends, neighborhood or town. We feel disconnected from God, and we become isolated even from our Self.
Obviously not all shaming is devastating or traumatic. We use words such as “embarrass,” “scold” or “reproach” for shaming that is less intense, say, than the shame we feel if we are slapped or beaten. Other words such as “debase,” “degrade” or “humiliate” seem to connote an intermediate degree of shame placed somewhere between a feeling of slight shame to intense shame.
Shame by any other name is still shame. The only significant difference is one of degree or intensity, related to what has caused the shaming and to the sensitivity of the person rather than being a different emotional experience.
Deep shame is associated with another feeling we call “cringe.” If you cringe when certain memories flit through your mind, then you know what shame is. Usually we cringe over things we have done or said that caused us to feel shame, but we may also experience cringe when we remember times we were shamed by others, especially if the shaming happened in front of our friends, family members or even strangers.
Shame affects us spiritually. When we look at the negative emotions and destructive revengeful thinking that can make up the shaming experience and realize that if this negativity is not dealt with but instead becomes habitual and hardened in the person, then spiritual “bankruptcy” could result if we consider hate, resentment and revenge harmful to the soul.
The experience of shame is a complex cluster of emotions and emotional states which includes rage, fear, hurt, hate and feeling powerless, revengeful, lacking, hopeless, discounted, abandoned, inferior, trapped, worthless, isolated, helpless, without identity, and unable to “save face.”
When we experience this array of emotions in a shaming experience, we wish we could crawl under something to disappear from the face of earth.
SHAME AND SELF-IMAGE
Repeated experiences of shaming during the formative years of childhood, which are directed not only at the child but also to the basic dependency needs of the child, can result in a permanently distorted, negative self-image. During the formative years children are defenseless against the beliefs they internalize about themselves. They have no choice but to accept what is given to them in the form of information about themselves from parents, siblings, caretakers, teachers, preachers, and others in authority. If that information is negative and shaming, then the child will develop a core belief system about himself or herself which reflects what was accepted as truth. Not only does shame become the core of a negative self-image; it also interferes with the natural mental, emotional and spiritual development of the child which reinforces the negative self-image as the child interacts with others.
The family has more influence on the development of a child’s self-image than any other force. If the family is dysfunctional, then the family is shaming and the child will develop a negative self-image. The family is the source of initial shame which sets up the individual to continue in a shaming and shameful lifestyle unless measures are taken to deal with it. If we do not process the shames of the past that we have denied for so long, we are doomed to keep on repeating the same old patterns and the same old mistakes. To admit and work through past shame is not dwelling on the past; it is a way to be free of the past.
Individuals who grew up in a shaming family and have not worked through their shames have difficulty knowing what their emotions are in present situations and how to express them appropriately because they have repressed their feelings since childhood. Repression of feelings is a symptom of shaming families. Different defense mechanisms are used to repress feelings, and as the defenses become automatic, reality becomes distorted.
No true assessment of relationships, behaviors or emotions in the present moment is possible because there is an unconscious “bleed-through” effect of the unresolved shaming experiences from the past which “seep” into the present. Consequently, any honest communication, true appraisal of what is happening, or having feelings appropriate to what is happening is nearly impossible.
Individuality and creativity in work and living operates at a minimum in a shamed person. At best, life is lived at the survival level mentally, emotionally, spiritually and many times physically as well. It is a mean, meager existence. The person experiences much frustration and confusion and resentment and can even question his or her sanity at times. During periods of despondency which are often associated with a crisis, the individual may think: “Here I am in the same mess again.” A woman with a history of numerous relationships might say: “Same guy, different name,” and wonder why.
The merry-go-round of the same self-defeating patterns of behavior and the same situational patterns of lacks and limits, broken hearts, empty pockets, sick bodies, discarded dreams, and revolving addictions indicate a deeply shamed person. Life holds up a mirror and reflects back to us the results or creations of our beliefs about our Self, whether the beliefs are true or false. Our beliefs create our self-image and our life.
