The author worked steadily in Hollywood from 1991-2003 as a writers’ and producer’s assistant, switchboard operator, casting receptionist, executive secretary, hardware lease administrator, newsletter writer, and website creator, very often while “floating” – serving as a “temp” secretary or assistant in Production or Administration.  While she hardly set Hollywood on fire (in a high-profile way), she achieved goals through dogged determination, a wildly contagious sense of the absurd, and lots of hard work.  If your dreams include working in Hollywood, this book reveals one laugh-a-minute avenue for getting your foot in the door, and provides ample evidence that you don’t have to be perfect (by a long shot) to be valued in -- and valuable to -- the entertainment industry.

Kristine M Smith was born in Tacoma Washington. From an early age she has been “a writer”-- her sole claim to immortality, since she has never married and cloned herself the old-fashioned way.  Instead of raising kids, she raised cats, dogs, snakes, frogs, rats, and guinea pigs; and rehabilitated wild animals (raccoons, deer, hawks, and ducks) – in the process raising her mother Dorothea’s patience-quotient to a level approaching Job’s.  Smith reflects: “Mom wasn’t an animal person.  There must be a special place in heaven for her, just for putting up with me!  I raised a skunk in the fireplace one summer! Can you imagine?!”

Smith moved to Hollywood in 1989 to take on a different kind of “animal” – the monkey-on-your-back thrill of working in the entertainment industry where dreams can segue into goals and then into realities, even though the route is far from predictable.

DEDICATION
(One of very few serious moments in this entire tome)

I dedicate this book to those dreamers everywhere who believe in your dreams strongly enough to make them happen

and

...to realists everywhere, who believe in your capacity to make the necessary changes and to take the necessary steps to make reality your friend and not your enemy.

(Incidentally, you’re one and the same!  Dreams do not become reality for those who dream passively.  They very often DO come true for those who are convinced that anything LESS than their fulfillment is unacceptable.)

If your dream feels like your calling, it probably is!

INTRODUCTION

Hey, gang, I know you’re out there.  You want to “take Hollywood by storm”, right?  You want to get a toe-hold in somebody’s door here – just a toe-hold – and PROVE to them that you’re indispensable and made of the right stuff to work in this industry WITH THE STARS, so you can whistle every day on the way to work and have something WILD to report in your holiday newsletters to all of those friends and relatives who “knew you when” and knew you could beat the odds and get here.

Well, here’s your answer!  (Don’t laugh – until later!)

BECOME A FLOATER!

Yeah, I know-- You’ve seen enough sit-coms to know what kind of a reputation “floating secretaries” (or temps, short for “temporary help”) have:  “Light’s on, but nobody’s home--”

Well, YOU’RE not like that, are you?  OF COURSE NOT!  You’re like ME: You have skills and chutzpah and enthusiasm and – excuse me for dropping names here, but did LUCY RICARDO have trouble making herself known around Hollywood?  Absolutely not!  You’re at LEAST as wonderful as LUCY, aren’t you, in your own inimitable way?  OF COURSE YOU ARE!  So, what are you waiting for?

You can  become memorable to the stars you work with as a temporary assistant until you land the permanent job you were born to do.  Oh, yes, you can!  I certainly have.  How?  I’ll