Redeeming A Father’s Heart presents the powerful stories of 10 courageous men with the common desire to present the truth of their abortion experience and the consequences of this life changing decision. These accounts are inspirational testimonies that journey deep into the heart of male post abortion pain…ultimately revealing the miraculous manifestation of God’s transforming power. After you read these stories you will have a greater understanding and appreciation of male post abortion grief. The stories in Redeeming A Father’s Heart provide a special roadmap for men and their loved ones, pointing the way to deeper understanding, hope and healing.
Kevin Burke is a Licensed Social Worker, and the Associate Director of Rachel's Vineyard Ministries an international post abortion healing outreach of Priests For Life. Kevin specializes in the education of counseling professionals, clergy/ministers and the public on the effects of abortion on men, couples and families. Kevin and his wife Theresa Burke, Ph.D., are authors of Grief to Grace, a retreat for healing the wounds of sexual abuse.
David Wemhoff is an attorney in private practice. David also serves as adjunct faculty for two universities, at which he instructs on constitutional law and government. He lives and works in South Bend, Indiana.
Marvin Stockwell is the public relations manager for the Church Health Center, a ministry that provides quality, affordable healthcare to uninsured working people and their families. Marvin previously worked as a newspaper reporter, editor and columnist. He and his wife Sarah have two children and live in Memphis.
Chapter Two
A Deadly Perfectionism
It was about 3 a.m. when I called my pastor’s home and got the answering machine and left this not so cryptic message, “I just called to say goodbye.” I was in the middle of another sleepless night ruminating on how my life had fallen apart. I played judge and jury in this courtroom in my head and kept coming up with the same sentence…Death! I was a complete and abject failure as a man, as a husband and as a father. I couldn’t stand the thought of waking up to face another day in my own tortured skin. I hated what my life had become, I hated my weakness and fear, and I hated myself. I told myself with deadly self-pity that everyone I knew would be better off if I was out of the picture.
I meditated once again on the bottle of sleeping medicine on my bedside. Before I could lose nerve I shoved the pills down my throat swallowing them with a can of beer. I lay on my bed and said goodbye to life.
When I came to consciousness I was in the emergency room of a hospital. Thank God, my pastor Jim woke from a sound sleep and hearing the phone ring felt the strong feeling that he should check his answering machine. After hearing my message he called 911.
Pastor Jim visited me in the hospital once they pumped my stomach and I was out of danger. He told me, “I knew you were going through a tough time, but I didn’t realize just how much you were hurting. I hope we can work together to make sure you never see suicide as the only way out.”
As I lay in that hospital bed feeling so weak and numb, I wanted to believe that he could help me, but I was still felt depressed and hopeless. In the days ahead I began to hope that maybe God, through Pastor Jim’s help, had spared my life. There was a reason I had called him; somewhere inside me there was a desire to reach out for help and find healing…but I didn’t know how. I started by trying to honestly look at how I got to this point in my life, confined to the psychiatric unit of a hospital on suicide watch.