Surviving the death of a spouse/companion:
Whether your loss was sudden or anticipated, your relationship brief or long-term, everyone's experience with grief is different. Recognizing and understanding the varied pathways of grief is crucial to your healing process. As the shock subsides and the healing begins, it is imperative for survivors to identify their emotions and reactions as well as the actions of those around them. The often-noted inability of friends, family and society to deal with death and dying is confusing and hurtful, and at times can interfere with the ability to assimilate your loss.
Following the sudden death of her husband, Julie obtained a Master’s in Social Work and began her career as a hospice grief counselor. Her work included daily interaction with people who are in the process of losing their loved ones and with widows, through grief education and support groups. Currently she has a private practice focusing on grief, depression, anxiety and loss around death, dying, illness, disability, job loss, divorce and other difficult life transitions.
"The most I ever did for you was to out live you. But that is much."
Edna St. Vincent Millay
On January 31, 2001, my husband died while riding snowmobiles with friends in the Cascade Mountains of Washington State. Our sons were only seven and four. His sudden death propelled us into a state of grief, confusion and shock. We soon began counseling and struggled daily with our attempt to assimilate our profound loss. Our new life was one we barely recognized and certainly never would have chosen.
Waking Up Alone examines the death of a companion and the many ways that this death can affect you. Grief & anxiety, raising children following the death of a parent, grief support, spirituality, holidays & celebrations, and the different ways in which men experience grief are also addressed.
Since most couples do not die simultaneously, it makes sense that all relationships, which do not end in divorce, end with one partner outliving the other. However, even if we know that our spouse is dying, I do not believe that we can ever be totally prepared. As with all major life events, many adjustments are required.
In Waking Up Alone, I present the multilayered experiences that surround a spouse’s death. It is necessary and important to distinguish between sudden and anticipated deaths because they are a different experience. It is equally important to identify the complex aspects of the resultant grief, addressing both the death (primary loss) and the many ways in which this death can affect you (secondary losses).
If you are reading this book because you have suffered the death of your companion, then you have my heartfelt sympathy. I firmly believe that in order to heal we must understand why we feel the way we do and it is helpful to learn that we are not alone. In your search for even ground, I am hopeful that you will find some constructive information as well as a measure of comfort, compassion & healing within the pages of this book.